How To Get What You Want In Bed Without Coming Across As Being Too Aggressive


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Talking about your views, needs and concerns on sexual matters with your spouse is the first step to get what you want out of sex in a marriage or in any long-term relationship. But this can be challenging to some couples who are either too embarrassed or do not know how to express their thoughts in a way that will not lead to arguments. However, effective sexual communication skills can both improve intimacy and sex life with your spouse. Here is a list of ways to improve sexual communication skills with your spouse.


(1)   Think first before you open your mouth


Before you bring up any sex topics with your spouse, you need to ask yourself what is the purpose and objective. If you have more than one objective, one of them should be for the purpose of improving your sex life. Once you are clear about what you want, you will next think of what and how you are going to say, taking into consideration your spouse’s feelings.


(2)   Create a conducive atmosphere


Choosing a suitable time and place where both of you can talk freely without any distractions (best if you can switch off your cell phone when you talk) is equally important. For example, if what you want is to have sex more often, before initiating it, make sure you build up the mood first like lighting a few candles, having a shower with your spouse, kissing him or her to get your partner sexually ready.


(3)   Put your message across in a positive way


You can strengthen the “good feeling” mood by focusing on telling your partner the things he or she does or should do to pleasure you. This positive feedback can make sex more enjoyable for both of you when your partner knows what you want and will concentrate his or her efforts on the things that turn you on.


(4)   Be very clear or specific in what you want


Tell your spouse exactly what he or she should do to arouse you. Be very specific. Say something like, “Look into my eyes when you give me oral. I like you to also lick the area between the scrotum and the anus and to spend a bit more time on the external area of the anus……” This can save time for your partner in trying to guess your sexual preferences. As a woman, if you can express what you desire clearly, you can help to make it easier to have orgasm faster for yourself, resulting in greater sexual satisfaction.


(5)   Let your hands do the talking


At times, it may not be necessary to talk. You can just use your hands to guide your partner to any part of the body that you like to be touched or to get into the sex positions you want. Some moaning if it happens naturally can also serve as an additional useful guide to your partner.


(6)   Show your partner you are enjoying if he or she is doing the right things


When your partner does something you enjoy while making love, do let him or her know. Give some positive responses or feedback such as moan, groan, or simply say, “Oh! That was wonderful. I love it when you do that. Some more! Harder!” Offering positive feedback can encourage your partner to spice up your sex life in more amazing ways because he or she will like you to reward him or her with ever more praises.


Keep in mind when you bring up any sex topics to your partner, that it is important for you to do it in a respectful way and in a non-accusing tone. Do you want to have a better sex life? Read on more from Hot Sex and Eternal Flame.

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She Had Sex With A Big Cock

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“What was it Like?”

Yeah, that’s a common question. Every time one of my boyfriends (and including my husband) found out I had one man who was extremely well endowed, they always asked me What it was like to have sex with a big dick. It was a question that I almost wanted to just write down with my regular answer, and just make them read it because it got so repetitive.

I decided to tell my experience with a big cock on this blog. So many men want to know what it’s really like to have a big cock, so here’s what happened when I had my first.

Having Sex with a Big Cock

So yes, the lover was someone that I had sex with two times. He was in his mid-twenties, and I was 19 at the time. He was just an average African-American man who was decently well built, he was about six feet tall, and was in college. I fell for him at one of my older sister’s college parties. He was sitting alone on the couch and he looked lonely.

It took us three weeks of dating and talking before we had sex. It was over at his apartment. His housemate had gone home for the weekend, so he invited me over on Friday night. We sat and talked for hours on his couch. As the night wore on we got closer and closer until he was on top of me. We made out for quite a while, but both of us wanted so much more… But that ‘much more’ part… well, I had it coming!

As I slid off the couch and knelt between his legs, I felt something like a MagLight in his pants! I was really surprised because it’s just not something any woman really expects to encounter (although we hear stories of men who are very well hung). My eyes went wide, and I instinctively felt the bulge in his pants, giggling a little. Looking up at him, he smiled and said “Yes, it’s that big… soft.”

I was feeling at least nine inches of Soft cock in his pants!

He stood up and I began unbuttoning his jeans. I looked up again as I began to slide them down. He was wearing boxers, but the manhood between his legs actually was extruding from the bottom of his boxers! I gasped as I saw it, and then began laughing in nervous anxiety!

He leaned down and kissed my forehead. Taking my hands, he put them on the elastic top of his boxers, and said “Why don’t you see what’s inside?”

I pulled down the boxers to be slapped lightly in the face by his hardening penis! I took it in my hand and stroked it in amazement. It was huge! At 12 inches long, I was afraid that he’d tear me in two! When I wrapped my hands around it, my fingers and thumb were at least an inch and a half from touching,

I obviously couldn’t give him good oral, he was just to big, so I resorted to licking his shaft up and down until he was wet.

The Stretch

He was sitting on the couch and I got on top. I was facing him when I guided his penis into position. I started coming down on it really, really slowly. The stretching I felt was something like your mouth getting pulled apart at each corner. It took him over an hour to get the head fully in. I couldn’t stay on top any longer as my legs were just too weak, so I sat on the couch and pulled my legs up. He was in front of me and we started again. This time, he was able to get about three inches into me. It felt like my whole vagina was on fire as he kept pushing a little at a time. I couldn’t think and it was getting hard to breathe! He took hold of my hips and gently applied pressure until I gasped, then he’d release, each time going a little deeper inside me. I looked down to see a good six inches still outside, so I had him pull out because it just wasn’t working.

It was about two weeks later that we tried again. This time, we invested in four dildos. There was an 8 inch dildo to start me off, then there was another that was still 8 inches, but was larger in girth, a 10 inch that was again thicker  and finally, there was a 12 inch, just a little less thick then he was. I lay on my back as he got me used to the first, then the second. It took three hours, I think for me to get used to them.

The ten inch dildo was a huge difference. It felt like his massive cock was inside me again, but this time, I gave more easily, and he was able to slide it in and out of me with relatively low discomfort.

When we got to the twelve inch dildo, He really lubed me up, and then had me flip over on my knees, butt in the air. I found that I could take the girth of the dildo better from this position, and grabbing the headboard of the bed, braced myself for the dildo’s full depth.

When it goes that deep, it no longer feels like your making love from your vagina, it feels like you’re making love from your stomach, and throat! I could feel the dildo pushing against my throat, which was really weird. I could barely move  for the next hour as he got about ten inches in me. Finally He got up on his knees behind me, and I prepared myself to take him.

He moved very slowly, feeling my hips, slowing when I pulled away. He really took his time and didn’t start thrusting. The stretching from his huge cock had almost paralyzed me, but I could still take pleasure from the lovemaking.

After what seemed like hours, he finally reached full depth. I felt full. I couldn’t move. The huge cock inside me was the only thing I could feel. My arms and legs were tingling, and I was blinded by the massive sensations shooting through my body with his every move. He began going in and out, which caused both pain but such intense pleasure that I was on the verge of just passing out. He must have been holding me up because I was just there, floppy and unable to move. I remember that I was trying to scream, but nothing was coming out!

I stayed in that position until he came. With each pulse, I swear I could feel his cum shooting against the back wall of my womb, and the sensation of my uterus filling with his cum made me really feel like I needed to piss really bad. I made him pull out as fast as I could, which was still very slow, and tried to run for the bathroom.

I fell off the bed because my legs were way to weak, and he ended up carrying me to the bathroom and holding me up on the pot so that I could piss out his semen.

I was sore for about a month after that. My vagina at first was very loose, and just fell open when I spread my legs, but over time, it did go back to normal. The stretch scars are still there, but no man has ever noticed on his own, and none have ever guessed that I had been with such a large man prior to them. My husband swore that I felt like a virgin on our first night, and said that I didn’t feel at all like I was loose or anything.

I won’t ever have another man that big, and besides, I won’t cheat on hubby, but it’s just too much work, pain and aching afterwards to be worth the hassle. For those women out there who do have well-endowed husbands, I can only imagine what it’s like to try and satisfy him.

Re-blog from Jane Hsu’s Sexual Advice

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Why She Refuses To Have Sex With You

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Good communication can improve relationships and help to increase intimacy in marriage which leads to a better sex life. Poor communication skills can cause misunderstanding, breeding anger and resentment and eventually hurting each other’s sex drives. Here are some examples of those unhealthy communication patterns that can plant the seeds of further conflicts in a relationship.


(1)    Bottling up your feelings


Some people may feel that it will hurt a relationship if they are being frank or do not want to be seen as petty. As a result, they allow those unhappy feelings to accumulate until they “explode” out of a sudden in a destructive way. It is therefore healthier to discuss any unhappiness in a calm, respectful and non-accusing tone such as beginning with what you are going to say with “I”.


(2)    Self denying


Instead of trying to understanding the other person’s point of view, some people act in a defensive way, denying any wrongdoing. By not admitting their own mistakes, defensive people will continue with their mistakes, thus prolonging unhappiness in a relationship.


(3)    Making sweeping statements


Avoid talking in ways like, “You always……” or “You never………” By doing this, you are trying to dig up past issues and lump them together with your present ones. This only complicates matter and drives each other further away from efforts to resolve conflicts.


(4)    Refusing to compromise


It is unrealistic to always have things totally in your way, seeing your own views as correct and refusing to consider the other person’s point of view. It is always better to work towards a compromise and agree to disagree. You should accept the fact that there is no always a right or a wrong and both views can be valid.


(5)    Second guessing


Instead of trying to understand their partner’s thoughts and feelings, some people assume they know everything about their partners’ thoughts and worse still interpreting them negatively. This can only create further misunderstanding and increase hostility.


(6)    Refusing to listen


Some people only care about wanting others to listen to them but do not have the patience to hear what the other person is talking about. By refusing to listen, you will not be able to discover the roots of the conflicts/misunderstandings thus forgoing the chances of coming up with effective solutions to your relationship problems.


(7)    Blaming the other person


Some people are just too proud to admit their own faults and when any problem happens, they quickly put the blame on others. Instead, try to view the conflict as an opportunity to analyze the situation objectively, assess each other’s needs and work towards a solution that helps both parties.


(8)    Trying to score points in an argument


Some people are afraid of losing face and keep on arguing. Relationship can only get better with mutual understanding and respect of each other’s needs. If you focus on trying to prove yourself right and the other person wrong, you will only worsen matters and “poison” your relationship.


(9)    Making personal attacks


Instead of focusing on the problem, some people resort to personal attacks. This can only distract each other’s attention away from problem solving as the other person being attacked get defensive.


(10)  Refusing to talk or listen


This shows disrespect and contempt to the other person. It is much better to listen and discuss things in a respectful manner.


Keep in mind you need to have mutual understanding and respect of each other first in order to improve your relationship. Conflicts are unavoidable and part of a relationship. The key is how you handle them properly. If you are keen to look for more ideas to achieve longstanding harmony and happiness in your relationship, you can click on to Hot Sex and Eternal Flame


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Relationship Improvement – 10 Effective Communication Tips

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Getting along with your partner or spouse is not just about sex. Communication plays a very important part in every relationship. Poor communication skills can be a source of anger and low libido for a relationship. On the other hand, effective communication serves as a springboard to a stronger relationship and better sex life. The next time, when any conflict occurs, keep these tips on effective communication skills in mind and you can get a more positive outcome and an improvement in sexual intimacy.


(1)   Focusing on the present


Sometimes you may be tempted to dig up certain past issues and lump them up to your current ones. However, doing so will only complicate matters and hinder both sides’ abilities to come up with solutions. Therefore, you should stay focused on the present, try to understand each other’s view points to facilitate the finding of solutions.


(2)   Paying attention


People often make this mistake of only wanting others to listen to them but are not interested in hearing what others are talking. Communication can only be effective if it happens in both directions. When you keep talking, you will tend to listen less. At certain point in time, it is better to stop talking and start listening in order to gain a better understanding of your partner’s views.


(3)   Trying to put yourself in his/her position


Often problems arise when we talk only from our point of view and spend a lot of time and effort in trying to get the other person to see things our way. This can only make the other person feel that you do not care about him or her. It facilitates the coming up of better solutions to your conflict if you can try to put yourself in his/her position to understand how he/she reaches his/her view points.


(4)   Empathizing his/her feelings


It is easy to feel hurt and get defensive when someone criticizes you. While criticism can often be unbearable, it is important to listen to the other person’s pain and respond with empathy for his/her feelings. Listen carefully to differentiate what is true in what he/she is saying can help you to discover the roots of the conflict.


(5)   Taking responsibility for your actions


Effective communication requires the courage to admit your mistakes when you are wrong. This can help to diffuse the tension and inspire the other person to respond in kind. This will lead you both to a solution as well as better understanding of each other.


(6)   Beginning with what you are going to say with “I”


Instead of saying things like, “You mess things up,” begin your statements like, “I feel ……..” This will make your tone less accusing and provoke less defensiveness. By changing the way you talk, you can help the other person understand your point of view without him/her feeling attacked.


(7)   Working towards a compromise


It is unrealistic in trying to get everything to work in your way. You have to “arrive at somewhere in the middle” to meet certain portions of each other’s needs. This approach is much more effective than you getting what you want at the expense of the other person. Healthy communication involves coming out with a win-win solution for both sides.


(8)   Taking time to cool off


Sometimes tempers can get heated up so much that it becomes pointless to talk further. When this happens, it is better to step back for a while to let each side cool down first. Sometimes good communication means knowing when to keep quiet.


(9)   Keeping a positive attitude


If you can approach the situation with a constructive attitude, mutual respect and a willingness to take into consideration each other’s point of view or at least making an effort to come out with a solution, you can make progress towards the goal of a resolution to the conflict. Unless you want to throw in the towel on your relationship, you should not give up on communication.


(10) Seeking a 3rd party help if you need it


If one or both of you have trouble in reaching out to each other or if the situation shows no signs of improving, it will be better to seek the help of a professionally trained 3rd party. A family counselor will be in the best position to work out some feasible solutions and offer you and your spouse some skill training to resolve future conflict. If your partner does not want to accompany you to meet the counselor, you can still benefit from this professional help and advice.


Effective communication requires mutual understanding and respect and willing to adopt a give and take approach in coming up with solutions. If you are looking for more ideas to improve your love life, you can click on to Hot Sex and Eternal Flame

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How To Keep Sex Enjoyable At Any Age

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When most relationship first begins, sex is full of discovery, intimacy and fun. Over time, this new-found excitement and intrigue starts to wane as demands of life may get too overwhelming to an extent that you begin to neglect your sex life. This does not mean you can no longer have a satisfying and desirable sex life just because you have been married for many years. Sex drives like the tide of the sea can go into “high tide” and “low tide” at times which is perfectly normal in every relationship.


So how can you continue to have a fulfilling and pleasurable sex life when your relationship is way beyond the novelty stage?


(1)   Talking and listening to each other


It is important to talk to your partner about the issues whether they are physical or emotional in nature. If you feel your partner is no longer interested in sex, let him or her know your concerns and find out how he/she thinks about it and to work out ways to overcome this problem. If you are the one who has a lower sex drive, you need to reassure your partner that you love them and enjoy being close to them. If you want to try something new, discuss it with your partner, and be open to his or her ideas too. If for certain unknown reasons, both of you find it difficult to talk about sex, you may need to seek the help of a counselor. If your loss in libido is due to signs of medical problem or medication, you will have to discuss with your doctor to find out what you can do to improve your sex life.


(2)   Recognize that sex is more than just orgasm and penetration


It can be stressful to both parties if your sole objective of sex is orgasm and penetration. Instead you should try to enjoy the process of lovemaking and the feelings of arousal with your partner. You can spend time exploring each other’s bodies to find out what both of you like, through bathing together, giving each other sensual massage or just simply touching each other from head to toes. Through this process, you will also be able to discover your partner’s sexual preferences through your partner’s breathing and the sounds he or she make.


(3)   Finding out what you like and what works for you


Sexual preference is a very unique and personal thing. Therefore you should spend some time to get to know your body in order to discover what feels good. You can lie in a warm bath to explore your body and experience the sensation of how the water feels on your skin. Find out what you like through masturbation, and then share this with your partner.


Losing sexual desire can happen for a number of reasons, such as getting older, illness, having children or worries about work, money or the relationship. If one partner has a higher sex drive than the other, you have to work out how to manage it within the relationship. Masturbation, sex toys or merely hugs and kisses may be an option. A lot of people who may not be able to accommodate a full sexual intercourse would be happy to give their partner that kind of sexual pleasure.


You may no longer feel comfortable with the usual sexual positions you once enjoyed. This does not mean you need to give up on having sex. The key to a great sex life is to find out what works for you now.


You can try the sexual positions that you both find comfortable and pleasurable. If erectile dysfunction is an issue, you can adopt the woman-on-top sex position. For women, using lubrication can help to overcome dryness problem. You can also make some changes in the way you engage in sexual activities such as having sex in different places and time of the day.


You can redefine sex to more than just penetration. Intercourse is only one way to have fulfilling sex. Holding each other, gentle touching, kissing, sensual massages, oral sex or masturbation can be just as pleasurable for both you and your partner.


Because it might take longer for you or your partner to become aroused, you should take more time in your foreplay to create and build up the mood, such as a romantic dinner or an evening of dancing. Share romantic or erotic literature and poetry. Or try connecting first by extensive touching, kissing, teasing or tickling your partner.


(4)   Understanding and overcoming the obstacles to sex


Understanding the problems can be an effective first step to find solutions to overcome the obstacles to a satisfying sex life.


Stress, anxiety, depression can affect your sexual desire and your ability to get aroused. Psychological changes may even interfere with your ability to connect emotionally with your partner. Some people feel embarrassed, either by their aging bodies or by their bedroom performance, while others may feel less attractive to their partners.


It is therefore very important to have a 2-way communication to share with each other the thoughts, fears and desires. It will be of great help for you to accept that changes are inevitable and natural. If you can adopt a positive attitude (to love and appreciate yourself as what you are) and open mind to make the necessary adjustments, you can still enjoy a gratifying sex life at any age. As much as you can, do use your age and experience to be wise and candid with yourself. Learn to let go of any feelings of inadequacy and simply enjoy the pleasure of being physically and emotionally close to your partner.


Getting older does not mean you have to forego the things and activities you use to enjoy. If health allows, you should stay energetic by exercises and increasing your general level of activity. This will benefit your sex drive by increasing your energy and is also good for your mind, mood and memory.


The need for sexual intimacy is not dependent of age. Studies have confirmed that no matter what your gender is, you can enjoy sex for as long as you wish. To find out more about how you can always have great sex, you can click on to Hot Sex and Eternal Flame

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