What If Your Partner Wants More Or Less Sex Than You

 

 

 

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The number one sexual problem facing most couples is low or no sex or discrepancies in sexual desire between spouses. Studies have found that one in three women and one in seven men report low sexual desire.

 

When one spouse pushes for sex while the other tries to avoid it at all cost, conflict, frustration and boredom will often happen in the relationship. Often with inhibited desire of one spouse, the other spouse becomes pushy and resentful, which leads to lack of affection and closeness. The longer the couple avoids sexual contact it becomes harder to break the cycle. The longer they hold back from sexual contact, the more they tend to blame each other.

 

Low sexual desire can have a lot of causes. These may include childhood sexual abuse, guilt regarding previous sexual activities or partners, performance anxiety, lack of genuine feelings for one’s spouse, shame about a sexual fetish or lack of physical attraction.

 

Having said so, the occasional lack of desire is normal. In extreme times of conflict, when there is death, financial or work issues, it is normal not to feel sexual. Sometimes partners do not feel the same sexual desire. One may just want a kiss but the other may want an orgasm. It becomes a problem when it is chronic and when conflict over sex happens very often.

 

Maintaining sexual desire, attraction and trust is an ongoing process that takes effort and initiative for both individuals. When a couple’s sexual expression begins to lag and lack excitement, the key to rebuilding marital sexual desire is to enjoy non-demanding pleasuring, increasing intimacy and having fun together. Both members must be committed to revitalizing the sexual energy.

 

What Are The Important Components For Maintaining Sexual Desire?

 

(1)   Jointly solving the problem as a couple

 

Regardless of what originally caused the problem, it is easier to break the cycle if you are able to talk about the sexual difficulty as a couple issues. Viewing a lack of sexual desire as a couple problem reduces guilt, defensiveness and blaming.

 

(2)    Anticipate and plan for sexual encounter

 

Once in while (every few months) think of something nice you can do for your partner. Spoiling your spouse is definitely a win-win proposition for a relationship. Best is when you can tease your partner about what you plan to do and keep this in his/her mind for days before it happens.

 

(3)   Recognize that sex is more than just intercourse and orgasm

 

Spend time kissing, holding hands, touching and being together in intimate ways. This can include showering or bathing together, romantic or erotic dancing, playing games like strip poker. The key to healthy marital sexuality is to find a mutually comfortable level of intimacy while allowing space and freedom to experience sexual desire and eroticism.

 

(4)   Be open to sexual experimentation

 

Too many couples walk into the bedroom without a plan and have the same old boring sex. Variety is the sexy spice of life and will do a lot to enhance your sexual desire. It is only fair you take turns initiating new ideas. To help your partner plan out a fun sex evening, let him/her knows what you will like to do. Both of you can fill out a ‘sex wish list’ and exchange this with each other. This will get you all juiced up.

 

(5)   Maintain a regular rhythm of affection and sexual contact

 

Try to be intimate in some form on a regular basis. The longer couples avoid sexual contact, the harder it is to break the cycle. Maintain sexual contact during difficult times even if initially you are not in the mood. The intimacy at these times will bring you closer and strengthen the bond between the two of you.

 

Creating positive sexual desire does not have to be complicated, although it may take a little time and effort. Here are a few ideas to get you going. But for a full, sizzling collection of many more fun ideas, read on more from Hot Sex and Fix A Sexless Marriage

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For Couples Who Are Busy – How To Have Sex

 

 

 

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You use to have lots of energy for fun sex, but those days are long gone and seem so far away. You always feel tired and are not sure how to get your sex life back. So, what can you do?

 

Below are some tips for you to try out.

 

(1)   Find out the real problem

 

Lack of sex because of tiredness happens to most couples and this lack of sexual desire can be due to other factors too. The problem with blaming, ’We are just too tired’ for passing on sex is it is usually a cover for other things that have gone wrong in the relationship such as lack of communication, build-up resentment, boring sex, the list goes on and on. In fact, there are many couples who have great sex lives and have more sex when they are tired because it is their way of relaxing and feeling good. Sex can flood the brain with endorphins and oxytocin, which are hormones associated with pleasure.

 

Instead of focusing on the issue of being exhausted, couples need to look at the bigger picture of how they are having sex. They can jointly come up with more realistic expectations on what is achievable for their present lifestyle and schedule. This can be started with a heart-to-heart talk outside the bedroom like, “We will be quite busy for the next 6 months. What can we do sexually and/or to stay connected even if we cannot have as much sex as we want?”

 

(2)   Set some time apart for sex date

 

If you are one of those so-called dual-income-no-sex (DINS) couples struggling with the daily grind of life, scheduling sex is the easiest way for a couple to keep their sex life on the radar. It may not seem romantic and probably make you feel like failures because you can no longer have spontaneous sex; however chances are if you do not schedule sex, it is not going to happen. The upside to scheduling is it takes away any negative feelings of who is going to initiate sex and wondering if tonight is the night to have sex. Research has proven that couples who schedule sex have more mutually satisfying sex.

 

Rather than going to a dinner or a movie, you can stay at home to have a sexually arousing evening. You can also create windows of opportunity for sexual connection at times other than at the end of a long day. You can also make love when your kids are sleeping or you can have sex in the morning or afternoon. You can also consider that wake-me-up-sex where you welcome your spouse waking you up while you are asleep which can be more arousing because our sex-related hormones are at the highest level of the day at between 8 am to noon. Therefore set your alarm early to enjoy some morning sex.

 

(3)   Just do it

 

If you can just get the ball rolling, momentum will usually take over. It takes a little bit of effort and time to transit out of the overworked and under-appreciated mommy mode into the hot, sexy, loving partner mode. But if you can get past this initial hesitation, your desire will follow. It only takes a little bit of caressing or kissing, maybe a touch here or there to get both of you started. Once you are in the mood, the thought of sleep will be gone. The more sex you have, the more testosterone, dopamine and oxytocin you release.

 

You can try this 10-minute rule. If you are not in the mood or feel too tired for sex, give yourself 10 minutes. According to research, half of the population feels amorous or horny and wants to initiate sex, while the other half is not interested in sex until after they start kissing and fooling around. Therefore give it a try when you feel tired next time. So, try kissing and fooling around for 10 minutes and see if you can get more aroused or interested.

 

(4)   Be a supportive partner

 

You have got to do something to help pick up some of your wife’s daily responsibilities. This will give her a little bit more energy left for her to feel horny and think of some sexy stuff to pleasure and please you. This should incentivize you to be a caring and supportive partner. While one spouse cleans up after dinner, let the more tired one takes a bath, relax or read a magazine or newspaper. If you can allow your partner the time for her to release stress, this will avoid sex from becoming like one more chores to her at the end of the day.

 

You can make things easier with better time management at home. Pick a time that both of you will be finished working so you do not just go straight to bed. Turn off the TV or computer at an agreed upon time. If you continue to let your career or housework to take precedence over your sex life, you are more likely or probably too exhausted for sex. If you can only have sex at the end of the night, you may end up choosing sleep over sex on a regular basis.

 

(5)   Self-seduction

 

Most women need to be stimulated mentally and/or physically before they actually feel turned on. As a woman, you can single-handedly transform your libido by trying self-seduction.

 

Throughout the day, you can conjure up past sexual experiences that really got you work up enough to get you into the sexy mindset. Feeling relaxed is also equally important. After you reach home, unwind with a glass of wine or do something else that will give you a mental break from the stressful things that may be affecting your sex drive.

 

It can be of great help to read a super sexy novel and you can add in self-stimulation if you want to. From this moment onwards, you make sex a top priority. Do not wait until the laundry is done to get down to business or until you collapse into bed, because by then your only desire will be to sleep.

 

Are you really too tired or honestly has sex becomes a little boring or too predictable? Maybe you would be less tired if sex was more fun, novel and engaging. Want to try something new and spice it up? Click on Hot Sex and Fix A Sexless Marriage

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How To Overcome Boredom In Sex

 

 

 

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When you have been in a relationship for a while, one of the most significant challenges is to keep the flames of passion burning. Do you feel that you are simply going through the motions and the only reason both of you actually are intimate is because you think you are supposed to keep sex active? When lovemaking becomes part of a relationship, it can run the risk of becoming routine.

 

Here are 5 active ways you can avoid sexual boredom and give your sex life some kick.

 

(1)   Share sexual expectations

 

The best way to avoid sexual boredom is by talking sex with your partner. Asking your partner how often he or she would like to be intimate. When he or she wants to have sex, does he/she prefer morning sex or making love at the end of the day? Next, share your expectations. After being so long together without discussing this important topic, both of you may be closer to a common set of expectations than you think.

 

If there are big differences in these expectations, work on finding a common ground in ways that will not violate your personal boundaries. Talking about sex may offer great opportunities for both of you to look into trying sexual things you are sure your partner has never thought before.

 

(2)   Be realistic about what you want

 

We need to understand that our individual sexuality does not stay the same all the time. It is not realistic to expect that both of you will always be in the mood as often as you were when you first got together. The simple fact is the sexual aspect of a relationship will go through exciting times and mellower times. Our individual sexual needs can and do change as we mature and we need to deal with our sexual and emotional baggage as we become exposed to new knowledge about sex.

 

You also have to be aware that hormonal differences between men and women can cause a mismatched sex drive. This means that you and your partner must remain flexible, patient, be understanding and to demonstrate a willingness to compromise to keep the other sexually fulfilled. If you are expecting things to be earth-shattering and passionate in every sexual encounter, then you are setting yourself up for constant disappointment.

 

(3)   Have sex often, both spontaneous and planned

 

A common misunderstanding about sex is we need to have the desire and the mood first before we ‘do it’.  You do not exactly feel like getting it on tonight, tomorrow night or the next day and you keep pushing it further down the road. The problem is if we remain in this way and wait for the mood and desire to come, some of us would never have sex again. This is not to say that you have to become your partner’s sex slave and you can never say no to sex.

 

It is that love is about compromise, communication, mutual respect and putting the needs of another before your own, which are critical to having a sex life that both of you can be comfortable with and enjoy. It is therefore sometimes important just to bite the bullet and have sex even if you are not in the mood. Once you start, desire and arousal often follow. Research also confirms that the more a couple connects sexually, the more sex they want to experience with one another.

 

(4)   Try something different sexually

 

This may involve changing the place when having sex. If you know how to slowdown and speed up as well as when to do so, then you can easily make her orgasm fast. You can start with slow penetration, then easing your way in. Then as her breathing gets heavier and rapid, you begin to pick up speed, eventually penetrating her deeply and more quickly. Next, you ask her what she wants you to do. Whatever she demands, go at that pace for a little while, but then change the pace again. It is up to you to determine what pace or tempo she prefers and to constantly surprise her with varying rhythm and speed. If you are a woman, you can ask your man to try this out.

 

Many couples start their foreplay the same way – both of you lie in bed, you go down on him/her, he/she goes down on you and then you have sex. Make some changes to inject some new elements of surprise to the sex play. Foreplay can involve anything from dirty talking to dancing. You can give each other back or feet massage or a full body erotic massage, or having a sensual bath together. You can also introduce role play into foreplay by trying to be someone or something else for the evening.

 

You can also consider having sex in different locations. This may involve having sex in the shower, in a safe outdoor environment like the backyard or garage or doing it in a different room of the house or in a hotel. To enrich the experience, you can add in some dim lighting and music to seduce his/her senses.

 

While music, lighting and different locations can add a different spin to sex, switching up sexual positions and using sex toys or watching an erotic movie together can also help her to achieve orgasm. The list here is by no means exhaustive. Both of you should be free to allow your imaginations to run wild. Creativity and spontaneity are your allies when it comes to sex, so use them wisely.

 

(5)   Strengthen your intimacy capacity

 

This can be done by maintaining a regular date-night during which you can take the effort to dress and impress, going out for some fine dining and mixing this up with some fun let-your-hair-down activities like going for a concert or to the amusement park.

 

You can practice regular sexual affirmation by telling one another when he/she did the right things to excite and pleasure you in bed. At all times, brush up your communication skill is of utmost importance to allow you to air any unhappiness or dissatisfaction in the relationship. Keeping your relationship free of clutter is critical to preserving intimacy and passion.

 

All it takes is some effort from both of you to keep it steamy as the years go by. These 5 tips here should help you to have better sex. Want more tips on how to break out of your stale sex routine? Click on Hot Sex and Fix A Sexless Marriage

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How To Face Up To Differences In Sex Drive

 

 

 

Find Out From Here The Ways To Improve Libido In Your Sex Life

 

Do you feel pressured because your partner wants more sex than you? Do you feel neglected because your partner refuses to make love as often as you want to? If this sounds familiar, you are definitely not alone. In fact practically any couple who has been together for any real length of time experience different level of sexual desire.

 

However sexual incompatibility need not mean the end of an otherwise good relationship. If you are willing to reassess your attitudes, negotiate your sexual needs and talk about your sex lives in an honest and respectful way, you can reclaim the intimacy and closeness that is weakening in your relationship.

 

How serious is the low libido problem?

 

One survey revealed that 33.4% of women and 15.5% of men reported lack of sexual interest. Though losing interest in sex may not be as common an occurrence for men as it is for women, but when men lose interest in sex, it scares them a lot more because their masculinity is so linked to their sexuality.

 

Loss of libido also makes men more likely to be unhappy about the rest of their lives than it does for women. Only 23% of men with loss of libido say they still feel very happy about life in general versus 46% of women.

 

Libido loss does not usually happen suddenly. It is a gradual process. When most relationships first begin there is high degree of passion and sexual frequency. Sex often happens effortlessly and spontaneously and desire feels mutual due to the newness of discovering one another as well as the newness of the relationship. After about 18 months, this new-found excitement and intrigue begins to wane and different sexual patterns can start to emerge. It can feel confusing and disheartening and you may question whether you are sexually compatible or if you still love your partner.

 

Desire fluctuates for a variety of reasons. Stress, fatigue, depression, performance anxiety, erectile dysfunction, certain types of medication and ill-health can all contribute to problems. Hormonal changes can cause loss of libido and any underlying resentment or anger towards your partner will also interfere with your motivation to be intimate.

 

What to avoid?

 

One of the most damaging mistakes you can do is to blame one another for the different levels of sexual interest. Often the person with the lower sex drive is being targeted as the main cause of the problem. This can cause the accused person to get defensive and this can lead to greater sexual frustration.

 

How to face up to low libido

 

An important step is to acknowledge that both of you are different people with different levels of desire. After all, if your desires to eat, sleep, socialize, or exercise is unlikely to be perfectly matched with your partner’s, the same can also happen to your sex drive. Both also need to take responsibility for addressing this issue and making the necessary changes and adjustments.

 

It can be a bit embarrassing to talk about your sex lives and to clarify with your partner about what turn you on and what do not, but it is critical in re-establishing and maintaining a satisfying sex life. Couples experiencing desire discrepancy are encouraged to negotiate their likes and dislikes or to look for ways to compromise. Do not compare your sex life to anyone else or what you see in porn. What matters most is what is right for you as a couple.

 

In dealing with marital anger as a cause of low libido, you can either consider couples therapy or a real heart-to-heart talk. But in the meantime, it may be possible to jump-start your sex life. How to do it?

 

Well, just do it! A common misconception about sex is that we should get into the mood first before we do it. However the professional view is that if we keep waiting for the desire to come, some of us would never have sex again. It is sometimes important to just have sex even if you are not in the mood. Once you start, desire and arousal often follow. Do not let the time between sex drags on for too long.

 

Of course, it is most important that this has to happen under the situation when mutual feelings of kindness and respect already exist in the relationship. In this way you will be able to be open to your partner and experience sex as an act of love rather than a performance or just going through the motion.

 

It is also important to shift our attitudes towards sex by treating it as not just erections, orgasms and penetration and. Instead it should be regarded as a source of pleasure and intimacy. In meeting each other’s needs, you have to accept that you may get less sex than you ideally like and have to look for other ways to feel emotionally and physically close.

 

The bottom-line here is not about getting more sex, but getting better. Frequency should not be the sole measure of libido. Feelings count too. How you feel about the whole lovemaking process should be the true measure of whether your libido is healthy.

 

Want to look for more ways to improve sex life? Click on Hot Sex and Fix A Sexless Marriage

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