How Female Orgasm Works

 

 

 

 

 

How can I make a girl orgasm? Why she can’t orgasm when we are having intercourse? What is wrong? There is nothing wrong with you and your girl at all. Around 75% of women do not reach orgasm from penis-in-vagina intercourse alone. This does not mean that 75% of women do not experience a sexual climax. The truth is that sex is more than just intercourse and orgasm. In order to help put your woman into the 25% who enjoy sex and make her like you a lot, you have to understand the process of sexual response. Any sexual experience will involve some or all of the 5 stages which are desire, arousal, plateau, orgasm and resolution.

 

(1)   Desire

 

Desire is simply the wish or urge to participate in any sexual activity or some kind of sex. This desire works in the same way as feeling hungry which makes you want to eat.In a sexual context, desire is a matter of having an appetite to have sex at a given time which is sometimes described as being “hungry” or “horny”. Without this feeling of sexual desire, sex in any form is not going to be enjoyable. This feeling of desire can happen when all or any of the 5 senses of sight, sound, smell, touch and taste are being stimulated. This can also occur when we are talking about sex with someone else. In order to get aroused, we need to have desire first.

 

(2)   Arousal

 

What happens when you or someone is aroused? When we are aroused, blood pressure will go up, making our face red hot, breathing and heartbeat gets faster. Our body becomes very sensitive and responsive to touch. There will be an increase in the flow of blood to the genital issues. Your penis will get hard. Her nipples become erect or swollen and the breasts get slightly fuller. Her clitoris and vaginal lips become puffed up. She will start to get wet (vaginal lubrication). The deeper end of the vaginal also expands and pulls back a bit, making her feel emptier inside the vagina. Though a guy can get aroused very quickly, but for a woman, this usually can happen if you are patient in giving her a good foreplay.

 

(3)   Plateau

 

When sexual stimulation continues, our arousal may then progress to the plateau phase. We get this “high” feeling or a feeling of being “on the edge”. Your body will feel increasingly sensitive, face, lips or chest get flushed, or the heart beat gets even stronger. The same thing also happens to her.

 

(4)   Orgasm

 

This is the peak of sexual excitement which happens after the plateau stage. The muscles especially around the pelvis region will expand and contract and the body will secrete more good-feeling hormones such as endorphins. For a guy, he will reach the point of no return and ejaculate. For a woman, she must be stimulated all the way (without stopping) in order to reach orgasm.

 

(5)   Resolution

 

The pressure that builds up in the body to reach orgasm is finally released just like the popping of an inflated balloon. Both you and your girl will feel physically and psychologically relaxed. Blood that fills up the genitals and other sensitive body parts will drain out causing them to return to their normal state. This resolution stage can also happen without orgasm when all forms of sexual stimulation are stopped abruptly.

 

Now that you understand how orgasm can happen to you and your woman, you can start applying this knowledge in your sex life now. In order to get her to enjoy sex and experience full arousal, plateau and climax, you need to stimulate more than just her genitals. Her state of mind is of utmost importance. Her mind needs to be stimulated as well to get in the mood.

 

Do you want to be the special guy who can make orgasm easily happen to a girl? Do you want to give her the best experience she ever had? If you want to, you can read on further from Hot Sex and Make Her Cum.

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What If Your Partner Wants More Or Less Sex Than You

 

 

 

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The number one sexual problem facing most couples is low or no sex or discrepancies in sexual desire between spouses. Studies have found that one in three women and one in seven men report low sexual desire.

 

When one spouse pushes for sex while the other tries to avoid it at all cost, conflict, frustration and boredom will often happen in the relationship. Often with inhibited desire of one spouse, the other spouse becomes pushy and resentful, which leads to lack of affection and closeness. The longer the couple avoids sexual contact it becomes harder to break the cycle. The longer they hold back from sexual contact, the more they tend to blame each other.

 

Low sexual desire can have a lot of causes. These may include childhood sexual abuse, guilt regarding previous sexual activities or partners, performance anxiety, lack of genuine feelings for one’s spouse, shame about a sexual fetish or lack of physical attraction.

 

Having said so, the occasional lack of desire is normal. In extreme times of conflict, when there is death, financial or work issues, it is normal not to feel sexual. Sometimes partners do not feel the same sexual desire. One may just want a kiss but the other may want an orgasm. It becomes a problem when it is chronic and when conflict over sex happens very often.

 

Maintaining sexual desire, attraction and trust is an ongoing process that takes effort and initiative for both individuals. When a couple’s sexual expression begins to lag and lack excitement, the key to rebuilding marital sexual desire is to enjoy non-demanding pleasuring, increasing intimacy and having fun together. Both members must be committed to revitalizing the sexual energy.

 

What Are The Important Components For Maintaining Sexual Desire?

 

(1)   Jointly solving the problem as a couple

 

Regardless of what originally caused the problem, it is easier to break the cycle if you are able to talk about the sexual difficulty as a couple issues. Viewing a lack of sexual desire as a couple problem reduces guilt, defensiveness and blaming.

 

(2)    Anticipate and plan for sexual encounter

 

Once in while (every few months) think of something nice you can do for your partner. Spoiling your spouse is definitely a win-win proposition for a relationship. Best is when you can tease your partner about what you plan to do and keep this in his/her mind for days before it happens.

 

(3)   Recognize that sex is more than just intercourse and orgasm

 

Spend time kissing, holding hands, touching and being together in intimate ways. This can include showering or bathing together, romantic or erotic dancing, playing games like strip poker. The key to healthy marital sexuality is to find a mutually comfortable level of intimacy while allowing space and freedom to experience sexual desire and eroticism.

 

(4)   Be open to sexual experimentation

 

Too many couples walk into the bedroom without a plan and have the same old boring sex. Variety is the sexy spice of life and will do a lot to enhance your sexual desire. It is only fair you take turns initiating new ideas. To help your partner plan out a fun sex evening, let him/her knows what you will like to do. Both of you can fill out a ‘sex wish list’ and exchange this with each other. This will get you all juiced up.

 

(5)   Maintain a regular rhythm of affection and sexual contact

 

Try to be intimate in some form on a regular basis. The longer couples avoid sexual contact, the harder it is to break the cycle. Maintain sexual contact during difficult times even if initially you are not in the mood. The intimacy at these times will bring you closer and strengthen the bond between the two of you.

 

Creating positive sexual desire does not have to be complicated, although it may take a little time and effort. Here are a few ideas to get you going. But for a full, sizzling collection of many more fun ideas, read on more from Hot Sex and Fix A Sexless Marriage

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What To Do If Sex Is Neither Enough Nor Satisfactory

 

 

 

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Do you remember when you first met your spouse and you were madly in love with each other? When you were not together, you kept thinking of each other from sunrise to sunset and you can’t wait to see each other. When you were together, you could not keep your hands off each other. Later on as you get more comfortable with each other, intimacy settles into a fixed pattern and it is unlikely to get better on its own. You will have to be open to new ideas and explore ways to strengthen the desire for one another as well as improving intimacy in the relationship.

 

What Makes A Healthy Relationship Works?

 

Basically, for every long-term relationship to flourish and be successful, you need to have three key elements which are intimacy, desire or passion and commitment. Not all relationships have these three key elements. Some relationships have only one or two of the key elements.

 

If a relationship is only pure passion or desire without any intimacy and commitment, it is best described as infatuated love or infatuation. If a relationship has both passion and intimacy but no commitment, it is only romantic love and many dating relationships fall into this category. If what is left in a relationship is only commitment, this will be empty love and many long-term couples fall into this category. A relationship consisting of only intimacy and commitment but lack of passion is more of a companion type of relationship. Though better than empty love but is still less than satisfactory and is a trap for long-term relationships. A relationship that has passion and commitment but no intimacy is best described as a passionate, whirlwind courtship that has quickly moved to marriage, with not enough time to build intimacy.

 

How To Strengthen Desire And Intimacy In A Relationship?

 

It is anticipation, rather than obligation and pressure that fuels desire. In any long-term relationship, it is necessary to anticipate sex in the same way as you would for other activities such as dinners, concerts and social gatherings. Though this may conflict with the idea about being spontaneous and romantic, however in reality, we are often so overwhelmed by the many responsibilities that sex is likely to be put at lower priority. You cannot count on spontaneity to make things happen. There is nothing wrong with planned, intentional sexual dates. To enhance the sexual experience in your ‘dates’, both of you can make special requests on how to turn on each other. This will establish a positive cycle of anticipation, satisfaction and regularity.

 

Another way of building anticipation is to put an idea into your partner’s head about something that seems fun and exciting which is going to happen in the not too distant future. You keep referring back and touching upon this topic. It will serve to put your partner in a different mind state and feel excited even if nothing particularly exciting is happening at the time.

 

For example, you remind your wife about the romantic dinner you have planned to try a new cuisine on a particular night. As you keep reminding her, you will build up her anticipation and make her feel excited to see you when you return home. You tell your boyfriend about how you are going to make love to him like crazy tonight. You remind him by texting about it to keep him thinking about this. You can be sure he will be rushing home to see you tonight. Making things exciting by keeping your partner in a constant state of anticipation by way of planning intentional sexual dates or anything that seems fun, exciting or unusual will in turn enhance desire.

 

Intimacy (which is the feeling of closeness, sharing and connection) is another important component of sexual desire. Marital sex involves integrating intimacy and eroticism. Sexual desire is strong when both parties value emotional and sexual intimacy (or connection).

 

How Do You Increase Intimacy In A Relationship?

 

Here are some ways you can practice on.

 

(1)   You need to learn about each other’s emotional needs and not take each other for granted. You have to find out about what things that can allow your partner to feel loved and valued by you. You have to continue to do the little things and use the same sort of thoughtfulness and caring gestures you did when you were first courting. It is unlikely that both of you share the same emotional needs. Therefore, you avoid making the mistake of only showing love in the same way that you like to receive love.

 

You make intentional, regular and daily deposits into each other’s emotional bank account in ways that your partner recognizes as loving, caring behavior. This may require having you to get out of your comfort zone. If your partner needs to be touched and you are not the touching type, it is time for you to learn a new language of love. This can be uncomfortable to you at first. But if you refuse to change your way, it will be sending her the message that you do not care enough to learn to love her in the way she wants to and you will only want to do things in your own way.

 

(2)   You strengthen the connection with each other by tuning in to each other’s feelings and needs, intentionally looking for ways to express caring, spending time with each other and having fun together.

 

(3)   You express fondness by touching each other affectionately every day. Tender touch is a fundamental need for human beings. Touch is healing and is also a way of expressing love and acceptance. When someone touches you it is like they are acknowledging you.

 

(4)   When you are upset or angry about something your spouse has done, you can try to be more understanding and forgiving of each other to prevent the barriers to communication from affecting intimacy.

 

Remember that you need desire, intimacy and commitment to keep a relationship strong. With good communication, you are able to understand each other’s needs. Based on this knowledge of each other’s needs, you make an effort to do the little things regularly to show you care. You use anticipation to drive passion or desire by setting aside time for passionate moments and by feeding fun and exciting ideas by setting aside time for passionate moments which you intend to make them happen. If you can do these, you will continue to have great sex, regardless of how long you have been in the relationship.

 

For a detailed road map on how to make passion and intimacy an important part of your  relationship, you can click on Hot Sex and Turn The Heat On

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Is Watching Porn Okay?

 

 

 

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Does his habit of watching porn bother you a lot? Is watching porn alright? Can watching porn affect your relationship?

 

Pornography is a common part of private lives of many couples and individuals. It can be a great tool for couples to improve intimacy, if it is introduced into a relationship correctly. Men are more likely to be drawn to porn because they derive more enjoyment from visual stimulation.

 

People will watch porn by themselves for a variety of reasons. They feel it takes away the pressure of having to perform, or is a good and fast way to relieve stress without having to spend time being intimate.

 

Some experts believe a sexual relationship can be enhanced when imagination is allowed to run wild. Many are of the opinion that if sexual intimacy is not being replaced by porn watching, then it should not be an issue in a marriage. Others contend that a guy’s porn watching habit can only hurt his partner’s feelings if she allows herself to be bothered by this. If she has a good self-image and does not feel insecure, she should not feel hurt by her partner’s habit.  Whether or not pornography will add to or lessen a couple’s sexual enjoyment is up to each couple.

 

When coming to the question about whether watching porn is alright, there is no specific right or wrong answer to it. As long as we are talking about legal adult movies and as long as everyone who is watching is consenting, there is nothing inherently bad in pornography.

 

Porn watching can only become harmful when he allows himself to be addicted to it or gets too obsessive about it. It is a problem when a guy will rather choose to watch porn instead of being intimate with an available and interested partner. But the problem may be more about the relationship than the porn.

 

When Is Watching Porn Considered Excessive?

 

According to a research conducted on online behavior, for people who engaged in any kind of sexual activity for less than an hour a week, their habit had little impact on their lives. However, if the exposure to online porn was 11 hours or more a week, the respondents said their habits could affect both their self-image and feelings about their partners. Therefore anywhere between one and ten hours a week is a grey area, which is still tolerable. It may be just a way to release stress.

 

When Or Under What Situations Can Watching Porn Becoming A Relationship Problem?

 

Guilt, mistrust and anger about pornography can hurt marriages. Turning to pornography may cause a guy to be emotionally withdrawn from his relationship with spouse because he receives instant gratification from his fantasies. When a woman disapproves of his partner’s porn use habit, this can create a wedge in the relationship. Porn could make it difficult for a guy to see sex as a loving form of communication. As a result, pornography can decrease sexual satisfaction within a relationship.

 

The obvious sign for misuse of porn is the lack of sexual desire in a relationship. Other signs and symptoms of porn addiction are excessive masturbation, moodiness, and a guy who almost totally ‘shut’ himself off from the outside world to the extent that he neglects his family, spouse, job, hobbies, etc. He will stay up late at night just to spend time on the computer and he wants to be alone when he is online. He will also refuse to admit there is a problem with his behavior and is unwilling to talk about it.

 

If you feel that your spouse is slowly pulling away from being intimate with you and he is not willing to let you see what he is watching because it may be inappropriate, you should consider going to get help together. You have the right to expect your needs to be addressed, exactly as much as he has the right to have his needs addressed.

 

Sitting down to discuss with him is the first step towards understanding why your partner favors pornography and how both of you can improve the intimacy going forward. Allowing a problem like this to fester has the potential to ruin a relationship. Without being judgmental, it would be best to find out what he likes about porn. Is it due to fantasy? Ask him if there is anything that he sees that he wants both of you to try. Is his behavior due to boredom or habit? No matter what reasons he has for his actions and if it is having a negative impact on your sex life, you have the right to an explanation.

 

At the same time, you need to think about your feelings around porn. Is it something that interests you at all? If so, there are some key things you need to consider about picking movies that may help you out. If you are not keen in making porn a part of your sexual relationship, are you willing to let him watch it sometimes? If you feel absolutely wrong about this, how are you going to explain your reasons to him? It is normal that we will never share all our partners’ sexual interests. To some extent, relationship is about compromise and there may come a time when one or both of you have to meet somewhere in the middle.

 

For this, or any other issues relating to your intimacy and relationship, do not hesitate to get a counselor’s help even if you are doing this on your own. Trained professionals can help you address tough questions like these without becoming confrontational. At the same time, you can enlist some self-help by clicking on Hot Sex and Relationship Help

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How To Turn Him On

 

 

 

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Would your husband rather watch the English Premier League soccer matches, play Angry Birds game or spend time on Facebook than be intimate with you? You are hot and he seems cold.

 

Sexual incompatibility is a normal and natural part of marriage given the unique differences and desires of each other. But sexual incompatibility can be diminished when you and your spouse work through the differences in desire and together build an intimate relationship. This is not just about the differences in the levels of sex drive but how you cope with this that really matters.

 

Sexual compatibility is a learned behavior that can be developed and nurtured with time, effort and lots of practice within the unique relationship of marriage. Along the route to narrow the differences in sexual desire you need lots of patient and understanding from each other. Here are a few ways on getting your husband to have sex with you more often.

 

(1)   Resolve health issues

 

First of all rule out any health issues that may be preventing your husband from enjoying sex. Some ailments or certain prescription drugs may be responsible for his low sex drive. Seeking professional advice will help to pinpoint the cause and take measure to improve your husband’s sexual health.

 

(2)   Be more loving

 

His loss of interest in sex can make you feel rejected and hurt or even angers you. But if you approach him with this anger in your heart, you will be transmitting those feelings. Even if you do not say you are angry, he will still know. Even if sex is not all that important to him at the moment the fact that it has been such an issue between both of you is wearing him down and he is as upset as you. Find some compassion and take a deep breath before you talk to him.

 

The key is to make it easier for him to open up to discuss sexual issues and preferences and to make some potentially challenging personal adjustments to diminish the sexual incompatibilities between the both of you. This also requires accepting the fact that some degree of sexual incompatibility is inevitable in any relationship so that you can shift your energies from wallowing in it to proactively improving the situation.

 

(3)   Do not make him feel pressured

 

It is important to choose the right time to talk to him or to ask him when he will prefer to talk. When you talk to him, you make sure that you do not let him have this feeling that his behavior is the real problem, even though this is the fact. The aim is to get him to be less defensive.

 

One of the best ways is to begin your talk with the words ‘I feel’. Talk about how you feel and avoid accusing, assuming, mind-reading or diagnosing your husband. You can say something like, “I feel hurt when you turn down my suggestions to see a doctor (or to go to the appointment with me to see a sex therapist)’, or “I feel as if I am not important to you when you turn down my suggestions to see a doctor or to read a how-to sex guide with me. It is something I really like to try even if you think the idea is stupid. It means a lot to me for us to work this out together.”

 

Once you have set the tone for a collaborative, loving discussion, tell him that you realize that sex may be less important to him, but you are asking that he takes a step as a favor for you. Tell him why that would be such a good thing for you. You do not need to convince him into agreeing with you that your sex life is unsatisfying or both of you have a major problem. Just let him know that you are the happiest person in the world when he does one thing for you.

 

(4)   Make the effort to turn him on

 

Knowing how to turn on a guy is about knowing how to stroke his little ego. If he feels sexy around you, he will also be a lot more turned on about you. If he has a sexy smile, or great shoulders, or the cutest tight buttocks, let him know about it.

 

If you want to turn on your husband, you also need to become more desirable by revealing your wild side to him. Welcome him home in your sexy lingerie, or whisper your wildest thoughts in his ear. At times you can take control when in bed to show him your moves. This should be a win-win situation because through observing you, your husband will be able to learn a few moves to please you. Or you can let him take the lead first and initially you stay coy and then you break free like a wild horse and return his favor more aggressively than him. This works best with passionate kisses and foreplay.

 

These tips are the necessary steps you need to take to increase the sexual connection and enjoyment in your marriage. This is an art which you have to master over time. When you are ready to take further steps to try something different to keep the flame of desire burning, you can click on Let’s Do It and Turn Him On

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