Self Help Guide For Women With Orgasm Difficulty



Female Self-Care Guide

If you experience difficulties in having an orgasm, you are not alone. It is estimated that 4 out of every 10 women have some degree of dissatisfaction over their sex lives. In the following paragraphs, I will talk about the possible obstacles that prevent a woman from having an orgasm and how she can overcome them.


Possible Obstacles To Orgasm


Orgasmic impairment does not discriminate based on age, ethnicity, religion, education, or sexual orientation, experience, or inexperience. A woman’s menstrual cycle may cause her to be unable to experience orgasm at regular and frequent intervals because of hormonal changes within her body. Certain life situations and experiences can also increase the chances of her unable to experience orgasm. Other factors like stress, medication, prescription birth control, hormonal imbalances, heart disease, insufficient and excessive body fat, some beliefs that are being fed into her mind about sex or a woman’s body is dirty and sexual pleasure being sinful, can all influence a woman’s ability to have an orgasm.




(1)   Getting rid of those negative ideas


Orgasm is actually a normal or natural reflex response to sexual stimulation. However, as a girl grows up, she receives a lot of negative feelings and ideas from society about a woman’s body, masturbation and sex.


Women are often raised on the beliefs that they can achieve fulfillment through making personal sacrifices that pander to the wishes and expectations of others while suppressing and ignoring their own needs. Women are usually expected to be sexually passive, ‘good girls’ are not ‘sexually active’ nor should they ‘desire sex’.


While on a conscious level, a woman may want to experience pleasure and orgasm, on a subconscious level she may be saying no because of these negative ideas and beliefs. It is for these reasons and many more that affect a woman’s ability to experience sexual pleasure and orgasm.


(2)   Establish a connection between your brain and genitals


Given that a woman is often being wrongly told that her genitals are ‘dirty’, she will try to limit her contacts with them as much as possible. This can cause a woman’s brain to disconnect from her vulva and clitoris as if they are not part of her body.


There are nerve pathways that carry sexual stimuli or messages to a woman’s brain. Before a woman can experience sexual pleasure and orgasm, she must ‘wake up’ these sexual nerve pathways in order to form a mental link between her genitals and brain. This requires frequent caressing of the clitoris and vulva so as to stimulate and activate these nerve pathways. Her brain needs to be trained to process numerous nerve impulses (by way of self stimulation or masturbation) before it can do so efficiently, or even knows how to process them.


Vibrators can also provide sufficiently high intensive stimulation to allow a woman to experience orgasm. Once she learns to experience orgasm using a vibrator and the nerve pathways develop, other forms of less intense stimulation will be able to trigger an orgasm. The first orgasm is usually the most challenging to achieve. The more orgasms a woman has, the easier they will occur in the future.


(3)   Promote your blood circulation


Blood flow is essential to sexual arousal and vaginal lubrication. This is because blood carries the feel-good chemicals that allow the physical aspects of arousal to happen. If a woman does not have enough blood flow to her vulva and vagina, she is likely to have greater difficulty in experiencing arousal and orgasm.


Same as how her nerve pathways develop with use, so do the blood vessels and erectile tissues. The more often a woman stimulates and causes blood flow to increase in her genitals, the longer blood will stay there, the more her blood vessels and erectile tissues will function better as a result.


Any activity that increases blood flow to the vulva can enhance arousal. Frequent stimulation of the vulva and clitoris (with the help of natural oil based lubricant), sexual fantasy, using a clitoris pump and engaging in 20 minutes of sustained physical activity each day through walking, swimming, jogging, bicycling, etc will help in blood flow circulation. Anything that is good for your heart will help to increase blood flow throughout your pelvic and genital region.


(4)   Acknowledge your sexual desire


Before a woman can learn to experience orgasm she must acknowledge and accept her sexual desire and learn to know its rhythms. You need to know if you are experiencing sexual desire on any given day, and its level in comparison to other days. This is usually indicated by the frequency of sexual thoughts and arousal.


Since a woman’s menstrual cycle often causes her desire to be cyclic, this requires you to acknowledge that cycle and the limits it may place on your sexual response. Your estrogen and sexual desire drops rapidly after ovulation and is normally at its lowest during menstruation. On days when your level of desire is lower, orgasm may require more mental than physical stimulation.


(5)   Learn to relax


If you are stressful, it is less likely for you to be able to become aroused and experience orgasm. The simplest and quickest way to reduce stress is through deep breathing. Close your eyes, breathe deeply in through your nose, hold for a couple seconds, exhale deeply through your mouth and repeat. Get in the habit of doing this before you masturbate or have sex, any time during the day you feel stressed. Another way is to do stretching exercises to help relieve muscular tension.


(6)   Be comfortable with your body


You need to recognize there is no such thing as a perfect body. Do not be too harsh on yourself and be misled by what you see in magazines because they do not exist in real life. Even if you are not satisfied with your body, wishing it can be better, you need to be able to look at and touch it and enjoy the pleasure it can give you. Your body is still very capable of giving you pleasure, if you allow it to. The more pleasure you allow your body to give you, the more you will find that you like your body. A woman who is able to get comfortable with her body will have higher chances of achieving orgasm than a woman who does not.


(7)   Indulge yourself in sexual fantasy


Sexual fantasy is often essential to masturbation and orgasm. You should focus on the things that turn you on instead of thinking of what you should do or try to achieve. If you are not able to create a sexual fantasy of your own, read an erotic book or magazine, romantic novel, sexually explicit pictures, or erotic video. Just let your mind wander and think about all the erotic stuff you can imagine.


The main thing is to get yourself sexually liberated in your thoughts and assert your rights to sexual pleasure as a woman. This sexual pleasure does not necessarily have to come from your partner(s). Recognize that you on your own can be a source of sexual pleasure. Be kind to yourself and learn to love and appreciate your body. When you choose a partner, make sure he or she accepts you as what you are, including your imperfections. When you are able to reach this stage, orgasm will become part of your second nature.


For more readings on female sexuality and sexual health matters, you can click on Treat Painful Intercourse and Female Personal Care.

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