What Can You Do If Sex Frequency Gets Lesser?




Find Out From Here About How To Get More Sex


When you want to have sex, she will say, “Not tonight dear, I have a headache.” At other times, you need a lot of coaxing and nudging to get her into bed with you. Your sexual frequency gets lesser and lesser. What are the things that are affecting a woman’s sex drive? How can you overcome this situation so that both you and she can again enjoy the pleasure of having orgasm together?


What Are the Things Affecting a Woman’s Sexual Desire?


The most common factors that hurt sex drive are psychological hindrances (stress, confidence, and anxiety), relationship problems, physical ability and illness.


(1)   Relationship problems


I am always of the view that the best way to have a good sex life is to begin from outside the bedroom. Sex in marriage is not just about mastering the sexual techniques. You have to pay attention to the emotional aspects of a sexual relationship. If there are unresolved matters in a relationship, these problems will creep into the bedroom and kill sex drive. Open communication without hurting each other personally is the key to a successful relationship in and out of the bedroom.


Before you want to spice things up with toys or sexy lingerie, you need to work on communication skills. When you want your partner to do certain things or to make some changes, you package your requests in the form of compliment. This will avoid the request from becoming like a complaint which can lead to defensive behavior. For example if you want your partner to watch less TV, you can compliment him/her when he/she takes time to help with some household tasks, or takes an evening walking with you.


Begin your talk with “I” so that this will not come across as being too critical. Here are the examples – “I have been thinking about ………”; “I like to talk about …………” and “I want to have a better understanding of your point of view …………” Avoid bringing up past conflicts/mistakes or your partner’s dishonorable past because they are of little relevance to the present and this can only discourage further communication.


If you are particular upset about an issue it is always a good idea to vent out your frustration on paper before approaching your partner with it. This will allow you to release any negative emotions and can help you to present your issue rationally and logically.


Besides talking, you have to work on your listening skills. Give your partner full attention rather than trying to guess what he/she will say or working on your response while he/she is still talking. Maintain eye contact and listen with an open mind. Listen to not only your spouse’s words but his/her feelings as well. What is spoken is just as important as what is not spoken such as facial gestures, body language and tone of voice.


Problems get solved and misunderstandings will be lesser because both of you are saying what you mean clearly and mean what you say. Couples who communicate well with one another are often more active in sex.


(2)   Confidence


Bad self-image is one of the major hindrances to a healthy sex life. It can take a long time for a woman to get comfortable with her own body. What you can do is to reassure her that she is beautiful and desirable. Find something positive to say about her body parts or her personality which you love and remind her how great she is as often as you can.


Get her to feel comfortable with her body and to recognize that despite any imperfections it is both able to receive and offer pleasure. A way to do this is to encourage her to caress the clitoris and vulva frequently to increase her sensual sensitivity and pleasure. The more pleasure she allows her body to offer her, the more she will like her body.


Engaging in 20 minutes of sustained physical activity such as walking, jogging, swimming, bicycling, etc can help to promote blood flow circulation (which can improve sex drive) as well as giving her a healthier body shape (which can improve her self-image). It will be better if you can do these activities together with her which can improve your sex life as well as hers.


(3)   Stress


If a woman is stressful it is less likely for her to be able to become aroused and experience orgasm. The simplest and quickest way to cope with stress is through deep breathing exercise. Encourage her to do this before having sex or masturbation or when she is taking a shower. A relaxing massage can also help her to cope with stress. If one of her major sources of stress is overwhelming household responsibilities, be a supportive partner by volunteering to shoulder some of the tasks.


Stress can also occur when you are concentrating on having an orgasm. By concentrating on it, you are putting too much pressure on her to make it happen. How to overcome this? The way to go is to stop making orgasm a goal. Just have sex to enjoy the fun and experience. Do let her know it is okay not to have an orgasm. If an orgasm happens, it happens. If it does not, it is no big deal, maybe next time.


A good way to take the pressure off her is to encourage her to indulge in sexual fantasy. Get her to read a book or magazine or any romantic novel that can be sexually arousing to her. Looking at nude or sexually explicit pictures on the Internet can get her in the mood, as can watching an erotic video. Once you can take the pressure off her and yourself, the chances of having an orgasm will be higher.


(4)   Anxiety


Past sexual trauma and/or bad relationship experiences can cause a woman to completely tense up during sex. This can make it yet another bad experience for her to go through and can even make sex painful because of all the tension building up in her genitalia. The best thing you can do is to be supportive of her. This will not be easy but with good communication, it can be handled and eventually resolved. Along the way in helping her to cope, you should get her to seek professional help.


(5)   Physical/Medical Factor


Medication, birth control, certain illness, dehydration, etc, can affect a woman’s ability to self-lubricate. If she is too dry, sex can be uncomfortable and even painful. Standby with a personal lubricant such as silicone-based Comfort Silicone or water-based Sliquid Organics Natural and use it whenever you have the desire.


If certain medication is affecting her sexual desire, it will be a good idea to bring this up to her doctor to see what he/she can do to help your woman. You can also doing some reading about how to treat painful sex.


Defining the problem is the first step towards discovering why you do not have sex as often as you want. For additional help to improve sex life, you can click on Hot Sex and Get Her In The Mood.

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