How To Cope With The Different Levels Of Sex Drive




Find Out More From Here Easiest Ways To Improve Your Sex Life


How much sex is too much sex? Is having too much sex bad? What should be the normal amount of sex?


Like many topics in sexuality, several confusions or misunderstandings exist about the frequency of sex. It can become a major battle every time for couples wrestling over the amount of sex they should have. The person with the lower sex drive feels constantly barraged and harassed about sex while the one with the high sex drive feels deprived. People often make the mistake of comparing or measuring their sex lives with friends or other couples. In each case, they should not be judged as falling above or below social norms.


The idea of too much sex normally becomes an issue when one partner has a higher or lower sex drive than the other. When you take a demanding approach for more sex from an unwilling spouse, the sex that you are having will start to feel like a chore for the other person. You also risk creating resentment, which is one of the most corrosive emotions in a relationship. When one of you is not satisfied, feeling like your sexual needs are not being met, this may cause the deprived one to stray outside of the marriage.


It is therefore very important that you talk openly about your needs when you are out of the bedroom and to constantly keep the doors of communication open. I know it is hard for some couples to talk about sex, but can you touch base periodically and check out on each other’s needs? If you and your partner disagree about sexual frequency, can you make compromises? Quite often we make assumptions about our partners that are not true. Maybe you wish you could have sex twice a week, but your partner only wants it every other week. Maybe you assume your partner is not in the mood, when in truth, your partner just does not always want to put in the hour-long ordeal of loads of foreplay. What if you could just have a quickie every now and then, just to tie you over? Would you be willing to sacrifice quality for quantity or either way?


During the discussion, be careful of being judgmental about what your spouse is asking or saying. You should not take it too personally if your spouse’s needs do not match yours. Maybe your wife wants to take a few days off now and then. If this is the case, this does not necessarily mean that she does not enjoy sex with you, or that she does not care about you. Maybe she just needs more sleep so she can be more productive at work. Perhaps your wife is worried about your health because of the misconception about men losing their strength through their discharge of semen. This is also a good opportunity for both of you to learn more about each other’s interests and expectations about your relationship.


When you are in a relationship, it is a matter of working with two people’s sexual uniqueness. This is where things can get complicated because the natural ebb and flow of two people’s desires rarely coincide. Sometimes the two of you are in prime sexual mode and cannot wait to rush home to rip each other’s clothes off. Sometimes your partner feels romantic, but your mind is on something else. Sometimes you nudge your partner expecting a wholesome night but he/she rolls over and goes to sleep, leaving you staring at the ceiling all night long. Sometimes the two of you will have a week where there is sex everyday. The next month, nothing happens. There is nothing abnormal about this. It makes you human.


So, coming back to the question about how much sex is considered ‘normal’; in reality it is hard to quantify how much sex is enough sex. This is due more to the choice made by each individual couple. Unlike vitamins, there are no daily minimum requirements. There are happy couples that have sex everyday, there are other happy ones that have sex once a week and there are other couples that are okay with having sex once a month. It is not a matter of quantity. It is a matter of what works for you and your partner at the current stage of your life. A healthy sex life takes time and effort. It takes flexibility and forgiveness. It also takes both parties to understand that sexuality is a constantly changing variable.


Therefore you should not take too seriously about those surveys that give norms on sexual activity which may cause you to feel wholly inadequate. When being questioned about personal information, most people do not tell the truth and usually come up with some ‘socially correct’ answers. Do not fall into this trap of measuring your happiness against someone else’s yardstick. As long as you and your partner are content, no one gets hurt and sex is not getting in the way of the rest of your life, there is no need to worry about how much sex everyone else should be having.


For further readings on sexuality topics, click on Hot Sex and Fix A Sexless Marriage

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