How To Achieve Mutual Pleasure In Sex




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A love relationship is not just about sex although it is an important part of the relationship. In order for a relationship to work well sexually and non-sexually, communication is very important and you cannot do away with it.


If this is so, why some couples can’t talk things out when they are unhappy with their sex lives?


(1)   Not good in expressing themselves


By nature, most guys as compared to women are not as vocal. They do not like to talk and like to keep things to themselves. Or, they are not so good in expressing themselves which can likely cause others to misinterpret them. Therefore, some will choose not to discuss their problems with anyone including their spouses. This can only cause a build up of anger and frustration that may ‘explode’ at a time when it is most hurtful, doing serious damage to the relationship.


(2)   Afraid of hurting his/her feelings


Some people are afraid that if they are honest or frank to their lover, it will hurt their feelings. Therefore they choose to remain quiet. This unhappy feeling builds up over time affecting the overall relationship including their sex lives. It is better to keep those lines of communication open and risk hurting your partner’s feelings for a day or two. This honest but necessary conversation may result in long-lasting great sex between you and your lover.


(3)   Afraid of hurting his/her ego


Some people are afraid that if they are too blunt about their dissatisfaction, this can hurt his/her ego. However, you can voice out your needs and feelings in a loving and compassionate way. This can also give you the chance to learn about your partner’s needs and give him/her the best sex they have ever had. At the same time be willing to listen to your partner because he/she may have some unfulfilled needs as well.


(4)   Afraid of facing resistance or rejection


Some people are very used to their usual ways of doing things and seeing no need for any changes. When you suggest something new or unknown to them, they will get very uncomfortable because they are afraid of changes. But a little love, compassion and patience in explaining may ease their fear.


(5)   Do not want to look selfish


To overcome this concern, when you want to bring up any issue, encourage your partner to let you know what he/she feels is missing too. Though sex is something that is very individualistic, however it should not be treated as something that is too intimidating to talk about. You are concerned about your relationship and you want to make it better, stronger and more satisfying. The main goal should be mutual pleasure. If your partner truly loves you, he/she will listen and want you to be satisfied.


What To Avoid When You Bring Out An Idea


(1)   Talking in a blaming and accusing tone


Avoid saying things like, “You don’t do this or that”, or “You just do not want to believe or listen to me anymore”. This will prompt your partner to get defensive and he/she will emotionally ‘shut out’ everything that you said. The right way to approach this is to explain to your partner that you just want to experience new things with him/her and you want your lives together to be as enriching and fulfilling as possible.


(2)   Bring things up at the wrong time


Avoid bringing up any sexual issues right before, during or immediately after sex, when you are in the midst of a rush to do other things and after you have a stressful day at workplace. Do discuss at a time when both of you are in a relaxed state of mind and more open to discussion. You can create a cordial environment through arranging a nice dinner first and set a comfortable atmosphere.


(3)   Do not set a deadline


This can only cause unnecessary stress on your partner. Whether it is inside or outside of the bedroom, sex is not something to be rushed on. Great sex is something that you learn and build on through trials and errors and listening/understanding of each other needs.


Therefore put your fears and egos aside and start talking and listening to each other. If you do not discuss sexual an intimacy matters with your partner, you will be depriving yourself of wonderful life experiences. You can get more ideas on improving the sexual aspect of your relationship by clicking on Hot Sex and Eternal Flame

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