How To Get What I Want Out Of Sex





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Communication is of utmost important in a relationship. This is especially so if you want to have a sex life that is satisfactory to you and your partner. For some reasons, talking about sex can be a very sensitive subject between couples. This is especially so if what you want to say is that you want to try something new. It is even more difficult or stressful to talk about sex when the conversation is about a sexual complaint or problem. Here are a few things you need to take note when it comes to talking about sex with your partner.


(1)   When to have a talk


Choose a time when both of you can talk openly without being disturbed by phones or other people. This will also depend a lot on what you are talking about. If you want to bring up the topic of trying something new in bed, then discussing this matter just before you are about to have sex is probably not a good timing.


Also, you should never talk about sex right after you have made love. Doing this may lead to defensiveness, disappointment and hurt feelings between you and your partner. It is therefore very important to distance this topic far away from the act of love itself.


(2)   Where to have a talk


As with timing, location can make a difference. Preferably you should pick a place that has no distractions. Bringing up any dissatisfaction when you are in bed can only spoil the mood. Both you and your partner may feel more vulnerable than if this conversation is to take place in a more relaxed setting such as talking over a cup of coffee in the living room.


(3)   How to have a talk


Even though you are not happy or you feel your partner is at fault, it is best not to accuse or blame your partner for the problem. Doing so, will slam the door shut from further communication. If something is on your mind, avoid blurting it out. Instead you sit on it for a while and clarify what doesn’t feel right. It will be better if you can organize your thoughts and put them down on paper.


A good tip that you can use to ease into talking about sex is by sharing porn or erotic short stories as a way to bring up new ideas or desires and using the images or words as a “bouncing-off points to get into specifics”.


To avoid being sound accusing, use “I” statements such as “I feel that ……” instead of “You make me feel…….” You should also avoid talking down to your spouse and assuming he/she knows what you are thinking. Communication is not just talking as listening is equally important. Avoid interrupting when your partner is talking. Listen carefully throughout the discussion can help to keep the conversation calm and less emotionally charged.


It is also very important to ask questions to get your partner’s views and suggestions. This is especially good if you have a partner who is unwilling to have this conversation. If you want to bring up certain products or toys that you feel will help your relationship, assure your partner first by telling him/her that you love and care for him/her and then you present the product or toy as something that will enhance his/her pleasure and give both of you more options when making love.


An important thing not to neglect is to pay attention to your body language as well as your partner’s. Do you and your partner’s posture and facial expressions give the impression of being defensive or feeling uncomfortable? Attention to body language will help you to gauge how the conversation is going, so that you can make adjustments along the way if things are not going smoothly.


These are the general tips on how you should talk about sex with your partner. Every situation is different and your situation may call for additional considerations. The main thing here is talking openly about your sexual feelings, desires, likes and dislikes, can improve your sex life as well as other aspects of the relationship.


For more tips on sexuality matters, read on further at Hot Sex and Talk About Sex.

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