Relationship Advice – How To Have A Richer Sex Life

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Most men want to be good in bed. Most men want to please their beloved women sexually. However, most guys are rather clueless in bed which prevents them from having a satisfying sex life.


Here are some reasons why many men fail in their bedroom:


(1)   Men assume women want the same things as they do


This is very normal because most of the time we do not really know what other people are thinking. In trying to figure this out, we sometimes assume that others have the same thinking as us. This creates a lot of misunderstanding.


When comes to sex, he will think that the rhythm and intensity of his penetration is probably what she wants when he is making love to her. This will also lead him to misinterpret her sexual signals.


(2)   Men follow blindly on the sex tips


Some guys really do make an effort to understand women and want very much to satisfy them sexually. They read women’s books or magazine articles about sex tips. They check out women’s magazines to find out what women are talking about and what they say they like. They hear about some lovemaking techniques that claim to drive all women wild.


The problem is what they are reading is about what one particular woman likes and the reality is women are grossly different in their sexual preferences. Not only that, what a woman likes can also change drastically with her mood and emotional state. It can change even more when she is with a different partner. With a different man, the chemistry changes and she is no longer comfortable with the same type of lovemaking that used to please her in the past.


Failure to realize that not all women are turn on in the same way will lead these guys to get frustrated with themselves and their women because they do not understand why the sex tips do not work.


A good way to avoid this problem is you should only try out a sex tip or lovemaking technique, which when read it, really turns you on. If on the other hand, you are applying a sex tip because someone told you that this will guarantee to keep your girl high, it can seem weird to her. She will probably sense that you are using her as a guinea pig to “try out a lovemaking technique” instead of being involved in making love with her.


(3)   Being overwhelmed with some unfounded insecurities


Some men worry about being not attractive or sexy enough. Others are concerned their “working tool” not big enough to satisfy females. These worries affect men’s  sexual performance and confidence.


For a woman, your ability to feel at ease with yourself is the biggest turn on. She can feel your confidence and this earns her sexual trust which allows her to totally surrender herself and reaches orgasm.


In a woman’s eyes, a guy who is comfortable with himself, who accepts his own sexuality and is confident about what he wants to do and what he enjoys in the bedroom is a great lover even if he does not read any sex tips or he does not have a big “sex weapon” between his legs.


What You Can Do To Overcome The Just-Mentioned Problems?


The good news is that most of those typical problems that guys have can be solved if they just need to do the one most important thing. What I am referring is “Paying Attention” or “Becoming Present”. It basically means that you “tune in” to the woman you are with. You “pay attention” to how she is responding and what she is feeling. By observing the changes on her body such as her breathing, her muscle tension, her moaning, the changing temperature of her skin, you will in the course of time be able to know what she likes and dislikes and what works and does not work on her.


Paying attention solves the first mistake because instead of assuming what she likes, you actually tune in and notice exactly what she likes.


Paying attention solves the second mistake because if a sex tip is working, you can continue with it and enjoy the whole process and you can drop it if it is not working.


Paying attention can solve most of those unfounded insecurities because it deviates your attention away from them as you refocus on her sexual responses at the particular moment.


Paying attention is therefore the single most essential tip for any guy who wants to improve his sex life. Once you get this basic correct and when you are ready to build upon this foundation for a long-lasting and fulfilling sex life, you can explore further on this topic at Hot Sex and Eternal Flame.

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The ABC’s Of Great Sex

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Ever wonder what is one of the things that kill sexual tension, attraction and arousal in a woman? This may be shocking to a lot of men because the answer to this question is trying too hard to please her!


Indeed, we often hear the message that women want a lover who can put her needs first. On the surface, this statement seems correct and most women will nod in agreement to it. But if you talk to them more, they will admit that they do not want a guy who is just catering to her needs.


She wants her man to enjoy the experience just as much as the guy wants her too. She does not want a guy who is overly concerned about whether or not she is enjoying it, so much so that he acts nervous to the extent that he gives away all of his masculine power to her.


You may also have heard of that statement about women do not like men who are “selfish in bed”. This statement is not quite right either. Selfish is not correct when a man forces his woman to do the things she does not feel comfortable with and in the process may hurt her.


What I am talking about is a guy knows what he wants and is not afraid to get his woman to do the things that meet his needs. Women are turned on by men who are masculine and confident enough to be not ashamed of what they want and go for it.


So, what can you do to get what you want in bed, without seeming selfish and in the process making her feel attracted and aroused? I shall narrow down the three basic requirements you can do to have what you want to the easy-to-remember term of “ABC”, where A is Anatomy, B is Body Control and C is Communication.


(1) Anatomy


Understanding female anatomy is the first thing you have to figure out so that you can know where to press the sensitive pleasure “buttons” on her body to get her reach orgasm. Let me list down these pleasure centers for you


(a)    The Clitoris


It is the biological equivalent of the male sexual organ and actually resembles one. You can find this erotic spot at the top of her opening. When a woman is aroused, it becomes filled with blood and gets erected, just like your member. Being quite delicate, you should not scratch, grind, bite or squeeze it.


The correct ways to stimulate this pleasure button are to use your clean and nail-trimmed finger(s) to softly rub it, to use your tongue to lick on it like you are enjoying ice-cream and to use your “little brother” to tease it by rubbing the tip of your male hood against her clitoris.


(b)   The Grafenberg Spot


Commonly known as the G-spot, it is the biological equivalent of the male prostrate gland. The g-spot is located on the top wall of the vagina just above the pubic bone. You can locate this area by sliding one or two of your lubricated fingers with your palm up about 2-3 inches deep. Keep your fingers curled as you stroke the area just above the pubic bone.


(c) Ears


Nibbling her little ear lobes, licking her ears or just under the lobe and as you get closer to her ears whisper something dirty can be very stimulating to some women.


(d) Neck


The most sensitive part of the neck where you can kiss on to have the maximum stimulation is the area along the jaw line and just above the collar bones.


(e) Lower Back


This part of the back that meets the buttocks is very sensitive because of the abundance of the little nerve endings there. If stimulated correctly when she is in a relaxed state, it can be erotic-ticklish.


(f) The Buttocks


Besides grabbing her buttocks, a more sensual way to stimulate this area is by way of tickling. You can use your fingers, a feather or anything else starting from her back and moving slowly down to the butt.


(g) The Knees


The most sensitive part is the back of the knees which are quite ticklish to most women. But if she is relaxed, it can give exerting sensations similar to when you tickle under her buttocks.


(h) The Feet


Use slow movements to make the foot rub can be a very sensual experience to her. Add some lotions to your palms to help you glide along her foot.


(2) Body Control


The next important thing to do is to have control over your erection. This is because controlling your body is something that she sees as a masculine and powerful characteristic.


Here are some ways to delay your orgasm:


(a)    Practice contracting your PC muscles


PC muscles or pubococcygeus are located around your testicles, penis and anus and by contracting and relaxing them; you can better control your erection after some practices.


(b)   Press on your perineum


The perineum is located between your anus and scrotum. During orgasm, the prostrate gland expands and then contracts to expel the ejaculation fluid. Pressing on the perineum will block the flow. You can get your woman to press the area or you can do it yourself.


(c)    Slow down your breathing


When you are high in bed, either you hold your breathing or you breath becomes rapid. By controlling your breathing by slowly it down, you are more able to delay your orgasm.


(d)   Stop and start over again


(i)    When you are getting high and going further will cause you to ejaculate, you quickly pull out to let the sensation pass and do other things to stimulate her.

(ii)   Another way to do this by means of masturbation. When you masturbate, you are in certain ways practicing for intercourse. It is the best time to learn how to control your orgasm. You can practice your orgasm control by bringing yourself to the edge of orgasm and then stop and calmly bring yourself back to normal. It is very important to keep yourself calm throughout the whole process.


(3) Communication


Have you ever noticed that if some guys you know tell you that you are doing something wrong, you will feel it is no big deal and forget about the matter after two minutes? But if the woman you love behave like the guys do, you feel hurt and embarrassed. Men tend to take suggestions and frankness from their loved ones as a blow to their egos.


That is why it can be difficult for you to build this sexual connection with her. She is terrified of being so completely vulnerable with you for fear of rejection or provoking you. It is only when you establish this connection with her that she is able to totally surrendering herself to you sexually. That is when you can make her orgasm, literally at will.


To achieve this, you have to keep an open mind and not to regard her feedback as criticism. You are not a mind reader nor should she expect you to be. Encourage open communication at all times, even when you are in the middle of the act. Her feedback is very useful in helping you to figure out what you can do to turn her on.


As you can see here, pleasing her sexually can be as easy as ABC. Of course, there are always many things or ways you can do to make her orgasm and if you are keen to know more, you can go to Hot Sex and Eternal Flame.

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Female Orgasm- Some Kinky Ways To Make Her Less Shy In Bed

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Do you know what can be the difference between a “good girl” and a “bad girl”? This is a topic that captures my interests and after posing this question to a lot of men and women I am quite surprised at the wide range of opinions I get and how strongly some people fell about this issue.


You may not believe so but the truth is in most cases there is no difference between a “good girl” and a “bad girl”. I will explain to you why I believe so and I will also share with you why and how some shy and sexually reserved women can in an instant turn into passionate, sex-obsessed, wild girls and I will conclude by sharing with you some of the secrets that you can do to help her to be less inhibited in bed.


Let me explain my point with an example that is familiar to almost every guy. There was this boy who was very much in love with a beautiful and “good girl”. Because she was a “good girl” the boy thought he needed to go slow by starting to win her trust as a friend before trying to do anything sexual that could scare her away.


With this thinking he did many nice and thoughtful things for her and treating her with nice dinners and movies and developing into a very sweet friendship. True to her “good girl” nature, during these months, when she dated other guys, she often told him afterwards that the guys were losers and she never wanted to go out for a second date with them. However, the guy did not get anywhere with her sexually either.


When he made efforts in that direction, she confided in him that her last boyfriend had cheated on her. This caused her to be uncomfortable with sex and she just did not want to get sexually involved with any guys for the time being. The boy was quite confident sexually that if he persisted long enough, at some point in time he would win her over in the end because tat kind of thing often happens in the movies.


What he did not realize was that everything he did was exactly the wrong way to build sexual chemistry with a woman. Then one day something unexpected happened. While they were out at a popular night spot, some guys came over and started talking to them. The good girl even flirted with one of the guys right in front of him. He could not believe that the girl whom he perceived as good would like this jerk. When she was away for a while, the jerk told him that his girl had real nice buttocks that he felt like pinching it. When he told the girl about the remarks about her body she seemed quite pleased.


He was quite taken aback because to him she was a good girl who was not supposed to like men who think of her sexually. The flirtatious guy started buying her shots of liquor hoping to get her drunk and he cautioned the girl about this. But she did not appreciate this and even felt that the boy was irritating. At some point in time, the jerk suggested to the girl that they should go somewhere else; she started trying to get rid of the boy. The boy finally left feeling upset and hurt, still unable to figure out what actually went wrong. In his mind were questions like – “How could this have happened?” and “Was she actually a bad girl disguising as a good girl?”

You may have heard of similar stories or may have experienced this yourself. When having sex with her, she would not want to try anything slightly adventurous, she wanted to turn off the lights, she would not allow any oral sex or she was silent throughout the whole thing and never had any orgasms. It is after you split up with her that you found out that she has changed into a wild sex-kitten with her new boyfriend.


These stories probably make you feel disgusted because they remind you of something very real that almost every guy at times ever experiences. Some guys reacted very badly to this and lost faith in other women for the rest of their lives. They end up feeling women are phony and most of them are secretly whores.


But to develop such thinking is harmful and is not going to help men either. The reality is like men, most women are far too complex to be categorized as good or bad. People change and evolve. We behave differently under different circumstances. We tend to act in a different way to what we think of ourselves.


Those who understand this know that the idea of “self” or “personality” is very complex and this is even more complicated when comes to sex. Though you can control what you do but when comes to sex, it can be impossible to control what you think or how you feel.


That is why trying to label women into good or bad has no basis in reality. In fact, lurking inside the bodies of most women are both the elements of “good girl” and “bad girl” with either one of them being more dominant at different circumstances.


Even for a woman with very high moral standards, there are at certain times in her life she is less restraint in her sexual behavior. This behavior shift can even happen within a day. At night, she may behave like a wild beast that has been let loose and in the following morning she reverts back to her “normal” self. This usually tends to happen only when she meets the man whom she can feel sexually connects with at the particular moment.


The men who can achieve this tend to display a few important behaviors that can bring out the sexually open and adventurous side of women. The first one that every guy needs to learn is that women synchronize with your level of sexual comfort. That means if you are secretly shy, insecure or timid about your sexuality or sexual ability, she will feel the same way. It will be much harder for her to open to you or to really express her animal desires, because she will be feeling shy and ashamed of her sexuality when you are around.


On the other hand, if you are comfortable and confident with your sexuality or sexual ability and you know what you want her to do sexually without feeling embarrassed, she will then fell equally comfortable to show the sexually wild part of herself.


There are few things you can do to make her comfortable enough to let go sexually and they are as follows:


(1)   Be very open in an unapologetic manner about your sexual desires

(2)   The ability to enjoy the pleasure from her body without shame or embarrassment

(3)   Touch her in a confident way

(4)   Be totally receptive about her sexuality so that she can open up to you easily without the fear of being judged negatively

(5)   Have good understanding about female sexual response so that you can be confident enough to know exactly what you can do to give her an orgasm and be comfortable about the whole process

(6)   If you have any performance anxiety issues, deal with them immediately

(7)   Never act needy. Never let her get this feeling that your sexual ego is at stake. Getting her to open up to you sexually should not be linked to what you need to feel good about yourself sexually


The bottom-line is in order to get a woman to be very comfortable in opening up to you sexually she must first have trust in a man. Trust in this case is about a woman trusting a man to know what he is doing sexually. It is also about trusting that the man will not be judgmental about her sexual desires which can include the desires she may not totally feel comfortable with herself. She wants a guy who knows how to push the psychological buttons in her mind to generate the feeling of trust. She sexually desires a man who knows how to send a clear message to her, through his body, gestures, actions and words that he will not judge her for her desires because he is both totally comfortable with his and her sexuality.


Can you learn to do all of this? Of course you can! You can find more details at Hot Sex and Eternal Flame.

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Female Orgasm – How To Turn A Girl On Sexually

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Few days ago, I came across a few questions on a sex forum. The questions are as follows:


(1)   The problem I am having is sometimes I can go for hours and sometimes as soon as I put it in I feel like I have to come. Before having sex, I sometimes worry about getting hard and being able to go long enough to make her happy. What can I do?

(2)   How do you please a girl when you are below average?

(3)   Why my girl asks me to stop when she is going crazy? I want to know if I am doing something wrong. I believe she gets uncomfortable about herself getting high. What can you tell me about that?

(4)   When we have sex, she comes in the first couple of minutes and then after that she can’t come again. So I was wondering is it me or her?


The 1st two questions are more about guys’ sexual confidence issues. The 3rd question is more to do with trying to win the girl’s sexual trust in the guy so she can completely surrender herself to him. The 4th question is more about the need for the guy to improve on his emotional intimacy skills rather than his sexual skills. The big problem about this guy is he is looking for someone to blame instead of trying to work together with his partner to come up with solutions. So, I am going to share with you here some ideas on how to boost your sexual confidence as well as gaining her sexual trust and improving on your emotional intimacy skills.


Sexual Confidence


5 ways to boost your sexual confidence:


(1)   You have to slowdown


Yes, you have to delay your gratification. Only 20% of women achieve orgasm during penetration. They prefer their partners to slow down and use their hands and mouth more. Only half of them can reach orgasm when sex last for 10 minutes or less, according to a 2009 study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine. Taking your own sweet time for sex allows you to build up the sexual tension and makes her want you more. The teasing and anticipation act as amplifiers to her arousal. You are more likely to turn her on if you are cool and calm.


(2)   Treat sex as normal as drinking a glass of water


Many guys get tense up when coming to sex, believing they need to act differently when the time comes. Instead you should treat sex as normal as possible. Focus on enjoying the moment when you are with her, keep teasing, slowly and steadily act according to her signals she sends to you, put more time and effort on the particular erotic spot she is extra sensitive to your stimulation and the appropriate amount of pressure on the hot spot she reacts strongly to, are great ways in how you should behave in bed.


(3)   Stop treating sex as the main goal


Instead you should look upon sex as one of the many goals in your life. Treat sex as a natural outcome of you falling in love with a woman and wanting to spend more time with her. You treat sex as one of the many things you love to do with her. This will help you to have a relaxed attitude so that when the moment arrives you will be able to enjoy it with confidence.


(4)   Talk to her


Get to know your sexual tastes and desires and communicate these to your partner regularly. In doing so, you will gradually be more comfortable with yourself and this will help you to gain confidence over time when discussing sex matters with her. This should be a 2-way traffic because this is not solely your problem or her problem when certain issues surface.


(5)   Recognize that sex is never perfect


While it is ideal to get her experience orgasm every time you have sex with her, however, orgasm should not be the only goal. A 2008 study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that stress over sexual performance significantly lowers female arousal.


Stop pestering her with questions like,” Are you close?” or “Did you come?”  This puts unnecessary pressure on her. Instead ask questions like,” Do you like that?” and “Should I keep doing that?” Rather than holding out for half an hour waiting for her to reach orgasm, sometimes it is better to get over with it. Women do not have orgasm all the time and they know it is not necessary their partners’ fault. After you have ejaculated, you can always use your hands and mouth to please her, if she is still turned on.


How to win her sexual trust?


One of the powerful ways to get her “let down her fences” is to completely eliminate any hints of your own sexual shyness. This includes anything you do that let her feel you are not 100% comfortable and in control of the situation. Nervous laughter, any kind of defensive or angry remarks towards her if anything goes not according to your expectation, any feelings of frustration, trying to make yourself look “cool” or say something to brag, etc., are the things that turn her off because it shows you are insecure.

The safest and most effective way to win her sexual trust is to be unpretentious and show your real passion.


3 ways to win her sexual trust


(1)   Make her feel good about herself


Compliment her for her accomplishments. Ask her opinion, not her advice. If you ask for her advice, she is going to feel maternal, which is not sexy. Use words like “opinion”, “feel” and “think”. Ask in a way like,” What do you think I should do?” is better than “Tell me what to do.” This shows that you value her opinions and reinforces her confidence in your relationship with her.


(2)   Touch her non-sexually


According to a study in the American Journal of Family Therapy, women are more satisfied with their relationships when their partners are physically affectionate in a non-erotic manner. This kind of physical affection makes a woman feel wanted for more than just her body which ironically makes her feel sexy as well as winning her sexual trust because it makes her feel good about herself.


(3)   Show appreciation


This can be done by doing the little things for her as well as the big things. Be diligent in thanking her for her company, ideas and contributions to the relationship. Every woman wants to feel appreciated and wants to hear it verbally from time to time.


Emotional Intimacy


This is not the same as sexual intimacy. The aim of emotional intimacy is to know each other better. Emotional intimacy is the ability to accept each other for who you are, not what you can become. It is the ability to feel comfortable with each other to the point that you do not fear judgment.


4 ways to develop emotional intimacy:


(1)   Become familiar with your own feelings


You need to be more aware of your true self. It is through quiet time that you will understand yourself better. One of the ways is to write diary because this can help to understand your real feelings.


(2)   Spend time together


This can be setting aside time to talk about how the day goes and how you are feeling. Part of the time together can be spent in silence. It is important that this time is spent together every day regardless of busy schedules.


(3)   Listen to each other


Men need to understand that women sometimes need to vent their emotions. They do not need you to fix their problems; they just want you to listen and show that you care. This also applies the other way. Men also need their women to listen to them as well as the desire to feel needed and respected.


(4)   Resolve the problems


If there are issues cropping up in the relationship, do not avoid them or hold grudges. His can tear the relationship apart. Go for counseling if the problems are such that you are unsure you can handle the issues amicably with her without spoiling the relationship.


To recap, the basic requirements for better sex life are sexual confidence, her sexual trust in you and emotional intimacy. If you are keen to find out more ways in trying to improve your sex life you can take a look at Hot Sex and Good In Bed.

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Role Playing – How To Use Sexual Fantasy To Spice Up Your Sex Life

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Indulging in fantasies and sharing them with your partner contributes to hotter lovemaking and greater intimacy. Fantasy sexual role play can take you deeper into another character and release you from the restrictions you put on yourself in your daily life. It means more preparation and more risks or excitement. Most people start out a bit shy and nervous with the idea of dressing up as someone else and playing a role. This is due to the lack of preparation. So how do you bring fantasies to your lovemaking?


Here are some of the needed elements for any sexual role play scenario:


(a)    Choosing a fantasy role character

(b)  The scenario for acting out the sexual fantasy

(c)  Dressing up for the role

(d)  The motivation behind the fantasy role play character

(e)  Basic rules for the sexual role play


(1)   Choosing a fantasy role character


Picking a sexual fantasy role that suits you is the key to good sex fantasy role play. Think back to the old movies, comics and stories you loved as a kid. From Spiderman to Zorro, from Porky Pig to big bad wolf, the stories that stay with us from our childhood can create deep resonance in our sexual role play.


The fantasy role may not be related to any specific person such as the role of naughty student, the angel or a god. Most of us have fantasized about sex with rock stars, celebrities and everyday heroes. You can incorporate them into fantasy sex role play with your partner. Your sexual role play may not be a person at all. Maybe you want to be an alien or The Terminator. As much as you can, be experimental, outlandish and do not feel embarrassed or ashamed of the roles you want to explore.


Another way to generate some ideas to come up with a fantasy role character is to find out about some female sex fantasies. According to Isabella Snow, a sex education correspondent, the top female sex fantasies are domination (she is dominating you or you are dominating her), teacher/student, sex with a stranger, threesome with another woman, threesome with two men, voyeurism, rape, exhibitionism and private dancer.


(2)   The scenario for acting out the sexual fantasy


Add some more details can help you to get deeper into a sexual role play scenario. The details can be about the type of physical setting (indoor or outdoor, or a big, small, dark, brightly lit room), whether this happens at day or night, any people nearby or just you alone at a totally secluded space, why you are present at the scene and what is going to happen.


(3)   Dressing up for the role


Props and costumes for the role play can include clothing (from your underwear to your overcoat, school uniform, nurse uniform, a suit or tuxedo, torn or tattered clothes), wearable accessories (spectacles, leather gloves, ties or stockings, jewelry, purses, broaches, hats, belts, perfume or anything that smells like the particular role you are acting in), accessories for the role (briefcases for business people, rulers for teachers, handcuffs for policeman).


(4)   The motivation behind the fantasy role play character


Ask yourself these questions:


(a)    What are the things that motivate your role play character

(b)  What are the things that turn on/off your role play character

(c)  What is the personality of the role play character – dominant, submissive or mixed  personality

(d)  What is the history of the role play character

(e)  Does the role play character has any hidden fantasy and what can bring this particular fantasy to the surface


(5)   Basic rules for the sexual role play


Some of these rules should be common sense and common courtesy such as no laughing at your partner for something he/she or do and no judging each other in the moment.


Consider the following factors before you add further rules:


(a)    What are the things you want or do not want to do when you dress up as someone else

(b)  How do you want your partner to know when things do not work our or if you want to end it

(c)  What do you need to feel comfortable in the role play character and is it possible to get your partner to fulfill your need?


The bottom-line: Getting to be someone else for a few hours, acting out your wildest or most outrageous imaginations during the lovemaking process can be a sexually arousing experience for some couples, but you need to feel good about the whole process. If you like to explore more ideas to spice up your sex life, you can check this out at Hot Sex and Turn Her On.

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