For Couples Who Are Busy – How To Have Sex

 

 

 

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You use to have lots of energy for fun sex, but those days are long gone and seem so far away. You always feel tired and are not sure how to get your sex life back. So, what can you do?

 

Below are some tips for you to try out.

 

(1)   Find out the real problem

 

Lack of sex because of tiredness happens to most couples and this lack of sexual desire can be due to other factors too. The problem with blaming, ’We are just too tired’ for passing on sex is it is usually a cover for other things that have gone wrong in the relationship such as lack of communication, build-up resentment, boring sex, the list goes on and on. In fact, there are many couples who have great sex lives and have more sex when they are tired because it is their way of relaxing and feeling good. Sex can flood the brain with endorphins and oxytocin, which are hormones associated with pleasure.

 

Instead of focusing on the issue of being exhausted, couples need to look at the bigger picture of how they are having sex. They can jointly come up with more realistic expectations on what is achievable for their present lifestyle and schedule. This can be started with a heart-to-heart talk outside the bedroom like, “We will be quite busy for the next 6 months. What can we do sexually and/or to stay connected even if we cannot have as much sex as we want?”

 

(2)   Set some time apart for sex date

 

If you are one of those so-called dual-income-no-sex (DINS) couples struggling with the daily grind of life, scheduling sex is the easiest way for a couple to keep their sex life on the radar. It may not seem romantic and probably make you feel like failures because you can no longer have spontaneous sex; however chances are if you do not schedule sex, it is not going to happen. The upside to scheduling is it takes away any negative feelings of who is going to initiate sex and wondering if tonight is the night to have sex. Research has proven that couples who schedule sex have more mutually satisfying sex.

 

Rather than going to a dinner or a movie, you can stay at home to have a sexually arousing evening. You can also create windows of opportunity for sexual connection at times other than at the end of a long day. You can also make love when your kids are sleeping or you can have sex in the morning or afternoon. You can also consider that wake-me-up-sex where you welcome your spouse waking you up while you are asleep which can be more arousing because our sex-related hormones are at the highest level of the day at between 8 am to noon. Therefore set your alarm early to enjoy some morning sex.

 

(3)   Just do it

 

If you can just get the ball rolling, momentum will usually take over. It takes a little bit of effort and time to transit out of the overworked and under-appreciated mommy mode into the hot, sexy, loving partner mode. But if you can get past this initial hesitation, your desire will follow. It only takes a little bit of caressing or kissing, maybe a touch here or there to get both of you started. Once you are in the mood, the thought of sleep will be gone. The more sex you have, the more testosterone, dopamine and oxytocin you release.

 

You can try this 10-minute rule. If you are not in the mood or feel too tired for sex, give yourself 10 minutes. According to research, half of the population feels amorous or horny and wants to initiate sex, while the other half is not interested in sex until after they start kissing and fooling around. Therefore give it a try when you feel tired next time. So, try kissing and fooling around for 10 minutes and see if you can get more aroused or interested.

 

(4)   Be a supportive partner

 

You have got to do something to help pick up some of your wife’s daily responsibilities. This will give her a little bit more energy left for her to feel horny and think of some sexy stuff to pleasure and please you. This should incentivize you to be a caring and supportive partner. While one spouse cleans up after dinner, let the more tired one takes a bath, relax or read a magazine or newspaper. If you can allow your partner the time for her to release stress, this will avoid sex from becoming like one more chores to her at the end of the day.

 

You can make things easier with better time management at home. Pick a time that both of you will be finished working so you do not just go straight to bed. Turn off the TV or computer at an agreed upon time. If you continue to let your career or housework to take precedence over your sex life, you are more likely or probably too exhausted for sex. If you can only have sex at the end of the night, you may end up choosing sleep over sex on a regular basis.

 

(5)   Self-seduction

 

Most women need to be stimulated mentally and/or physically before they actually feel turned on. As a woman, you can single-handedly transform your libido by trying self-seduction.

 

Throughout the day, you can conjure up past sexual experiences that really got you work up enough to get you into the sexy mindset. Feeling relaxed is also equally important. After you reach home, unwind with a glass of wine or do something else that will give you a mental break from the stressful things that may be affecting your sex drive.

 

It can be of great help to read a super sexy novel and you can add in self-stimulation if you want to. From this moment onwards, you make sex a top priority. Do not wait until the laundry is done to get down to business or until you collapse into bed, because by then your only desire will be to sleep.

 

Are you really too tired or honestly has sex becomes a little boring or too predictable? Maybe you would be less tired if sex was more fun, novel and engaging. Want to try something new and spice it up? Click on Hot Sex and Fix A Sexless Marriage

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How To Cope With Your Partner’s Lack Of Sex Desire

 

 

 

 

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Are you happy with the amount of sex you are having? If either you or your partner feels unhappy with the frequency of sex, rest assured that you are not the only one. According to some recent surveys, over 50% of men and over 40% of women were unhappy with their sex lives because they want more sex.

 

Causes Of Low Sex Drive

 

So what is behind you or your partner’s lower sexual desire? What are the biggest hurdles to shared sexual satisfaction?

 

There are tones of reasons behind a person’s low sex drive. Some factors are obvious, while others are definitely not. Here is a list of the main factors affecting sexual desire.

 

(a)    Stress – Most people are a little stressed and when it reaches beyond a threshold level, it can be a libido killer for both men and women, whether it is stress at work, financial stress, or stress over the lack of time.

 

(b)   Unrealistic expectations about sex – This can breed performance anxiety and hurt sexual confidence due to bad self-image. Media and TV are a significant cause of sexual dissatisfaction, as they can give rise to unrealistic expectations about your own or your partner’s performance and appearance.

 

(c)    Aging – This plays a role, though some older men still maintain strong interest in sex.

 

(d)   Unhealthy life style – Drug and alcohol use, poor sleeping habits and poor diet (which can cause obesity) can all contribute to low sexual desire and impaired sexual function.

 

(e)    Hormonal changes – A partner’s low desire can be due to hormonal changes related to life changes such as menopause. Low testosterone level which dips as a person gets older usually means low sexual desire.

 

(f)    Medical problems – Chronic conditions such as diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol and drugs to cope with them or other medications (such as anti-depressant) can negatively affect sexual desire.

 

How To Cope With Low Sex Drive

 

(1)   Seek professional help

 

Rather than allowing depression, hormonal changes, chronic illness and medications to become reasons to avoid intimacy, it is worthwhile to seek advice and support from trained professionals. Men who are experiencing impotence should see a doctor, in particular, as erectile dysfunction can be linked to cardiovascular disease and diabetes.

 

It is worth remembering that some prescription medicines can have an adverse effect on sexual function and levels of desire. You should ask your doctor about the possibility of changing to a similar-functioning medication that has lesser side effects or does not cause sexual side effects.

 

Pain during sex can be a problem for some women and can be due to various underlying problems ranging from a urinary tract infection to fibroids. Your doctor can help to pinpoint the cause.

 

(2)   Communication

 

A couple needs to work together to identify the risk factors threatening their sexual relationships and come up with a plan to address them. Communication is the key throughout this process. This must be a ‘2-way traffic’ meaning both sides need to talk and listen to each other attentively.

 

Both should have the right attitude, meaning you need to detach your emotions from what you are saying, refrain from blaming or finger-pointing each other, begin your talk with ‘I’ and package your demands to make the tone more conducive for discussion. If you have difficulty in talking to your partner, you can consider relationship counseling.

 

(3)   Spice things up

 

Setting a time and place only for sex. This may sound unromantic and non-spontaneous but if we do not plan for a sex date, our busy schedules and stressful lifestyles can get in the way of sexual intercourse and romance. This can be as simple as going to bed at the same time.

 

You can set the mood by creating more intimate opportunities such as having a bath or shower together, snuggling on the sofa or taking a romantic stroll. To cope with stress, you should learn to prioritize things.

 

To overcome performance anxiety, you need to recognize that sex need not be perfect all the time and not to put unnecessary pressure on you and your partner. Of course, it is always better to try something new such as new position, new location or even role-playing.

 

Not just in the bedroom, you can do foreplay all day long. You can always flirt with your partner outside the bedroom, by sending him/her sexting or sexy text, whisper something nice to him/her while out with friends, or touch him/her sneakily under the table.

 

There is no quick fix when comes to having a happy sex. Time, energy and commitment are required to rebuild a healthy sex life. Should you need more ideas to help you in this process, you can click on Hot Sex and Overcome Low Libido

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