Vaginismus: Types, Causes and Treatment



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A common reason that many women avoid sexual intimacy is because it is painful. If a woman suffering from painful intercourse experiences involuntary tightening of the vagina during foreplay or penetrative sex, she is likely to suffer from Vaginismus.  This tightening is caused by the involuntary contraction of the pelvic muscles making intercourse almost impossible. This article will cover the different types of Vaginismus, their causes and treatments.


If you are likewise being affected by Vaginismus then it is necessary for you to know the type of Vaginismus you have developed. It is far better to verify if you have got primary or secondary Vaginismus simply because it can help you in eliminating the problem more efficiently and also at a faster pace. Read on.


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Primary Vaginismus

Primary vaginismus is the name given to the condition for those who have encountered pain and discomfort while having sexual intercourse for the first time or never been able to put in anything at all into your vagina.

Primary vaginismus is often discovered in the teenage years, when the girl tries to use tampons, or goes for an internal examination and finds it to be extremely uncomfortable. This fear of pain then causes an anxiety which will bring with it the conditioned reflex response of closing up whenever the woman then subsequently attempt intercourse. This is the major reason for women being unable to consummate their marriages, or participate in sexual relationships.


The causes for this form of Vaginismus are emotional and also physical. The physical reasons include things like unfortunate past sexual experiences such as rape or sexual mistreatment, strict sexual upbringing, strong family religious overtones, fears of first-time sex, exposure to sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy.
Occurrence: This type is much more frequent in girls within the age group of 15-25 because this is the years when young ladies or women have sexual intercourse for the very first time or attempt placing tampons in their vagina.


Secondary Vaginismus

If you were earlier able to have normal pain-free sexual intercourse but something happens that causes pain with penetration, then it suggests that you may be affected by secondary Vaginismus.

The reasons behind this kind of Vaginismus are mainly physical and includes yeast infections, intense strain to vagina for the duration of child delivery, trauma to the pelvic area, hysterectomy, radiation or menopause and other stuff that cause strain to the vaginal canal or the vaginal opening.
This discomfort or pain that happens during intercourse appears to initiate an avoidance reflex that causes spasm of the vaginal muscles. This is the bodies attempt to say ‘no’ to vaginal penetration to protect itself from pain.
Occurrence of Secondary Vaginismus: This type is more frequent in ladies in the age-group of 25-50.

Treatment solution for Primary and Secondary Vaginismus

The treatment of these two kinds of Vaginismus is practically the same. If you are affected by Secondary Vaginismus, you will go through the same physical and also the psychological treatment methods used to remedy Primary Vaginismus.


These types of cures comprise of counseling about sexual intercourse, behavior therapy, Kegel exercise routines (contraction and relaxation of the pelvic muscles), sensate focus routines (a series of specific exercises for couples which encourage each partner to take turns paying increased attention to their own senses), vaginal dilation, and Botox injection and so on.


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Other supporting therapies include Hypnotherapy (using exercises to bring about deep relaxation, intense concentration and focused attention to achieve a heightened state of awareness, also known as a trance); Acupressure (involves placing physical pressure, by hand, elbow, or with the aid of various devices, on different pressure points on the surface of the body), as well as others may also be used to treat both of these types of Vaginismus.


The Time Taken to Treat Primary and Secondary Vaginismus

The time-span in which a female is able to eradicate her disorder may vary a little bit. This is for the reason that a woman with the secondary type of Vaginismus may have a slight possibility of recovering quicker and sooner than the person struggling with primary Vaginismus; as the capability of the lady with secondary Vaginismus to have painless intercourse in the past can help her in fixing her condition fast.


Other factors such as the overall well-being of the female, the Vaginismus treatment method, her commitment and dedication towards completing the therapy routine and support from her partner can also play an important role in determining the length of time that the female should be able to cure her disorder.


Hope this will help you to have a better understanding of the 2 kinds of Vaginismus, which affects many women. If left untreated, Vaginismus can have adverse effects on your sexual life and can also end an unconsummated romantic relationship.


To obtain improved treatment for Vaginismus, it is very important for you to understand the specific type of Vaginismus that affects you and take the necessary methods to get rid of the disorder by starting a treatment program. The top treatment plan that you should undergo to beat the disorder of Vaginismus is the one that suits you most so that you can get rid of the problem at your own pace and without adding more stress to you.


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What If Your Partner Wants More Or Less Sex Than You




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The number one sexual problem facing most couples is low or no sex or discrepancies in sexual desire between spouses. Studies have found that one in three women and one in seven men report low sexual desire.


When one spouse pushes for sex while the other tries to avoid it at all cost, conflict, frustration and boredom will often happen in the relationship. Often with inhibited desire of one spouse, the other spouse becomes pushy and resentful, which leads to lack of affection and closeness. The longer the couple avoids sexual contact it becomes harder to break the cycle. The longer they hold back from sexual contact, the more they tend to blame each other.


Low sexual desire can have a lot of causes. These may include childhood sexual abuse, guilt regarding previous sexual activities or partners, performance anxiety, lack of genuine feelings for one’s spouse, shame about a sexual fetish or lack of physical attraction.


Having said so, the occasional lack of desire is normal. In extreme times of conflict, when there is death, financial or work issues, it is normal not to feel sexual. Sometimes partners do not feel the same sexual desire. One may just want a kiss but the other may want an orgasm. It becomes a problem when it is chronic and when conflict over sex happens very often.


Maintaining sexual desire, attraction and trust is an ongoing process that takes effort and initiative for both individuals. When a couple’s sexual expression begins to lag and lack excitement, the key to rebuilding marital sexual desire is to enjoy non-demanding pleasuring, increasing intimacy and having fun together. Both members must be committed to revitalizing the sexual energy.


What Are The Important Components For Maintaining Sexual Desire?


(1)   Jointly solving the problem as a couple


Regardless of what originally caused the problem, it is easier to break the cycle if you are able to talk about the sexual difficulty as a couple issues. Viewing a lack of sexual desire as a couple problem reduces guilt, defensiveness and blaming.


(2)    Anticipate and plan for sexual encounter


Once in while (every few months) think of something nice you can do for your partner. Spoiling your spouse is definitely a win-win proposition for a relationship. Best is when you can tease your partner about what you plan to do and keep this in his/her mind for days before it happens.


(3)   Recognize that sex is more than just intercourse and orgasm


Spend time kissing, holding hands, touching and being together in intimate ways. This can include showering or bathing together, romantic or erotic dancing, playing games like strip poker. The key to healthy marital sexuality is to find a mutually comfortable level of intimacy while allowing space and freedom to experience sexual desire and eroticism.


(4)   Be open to sexual experimentation


Too many couples walk into the bedroom without a plan and have the same old boring sex. Variety is the sexy spice of life and will do a lot to enhance your sexual desire. It is only fair you take turns initiating new ideas. To help your partner plan out a fun sex evening, let him/her knows what you will like to do. Both of you can fill out a ‘sex wish list’ and exchange this with each other. This will get you all juiced up.


(5)   Maintain a regular rhythm of affection and sexual contact


Try to be intimate in some form on a regular basis. The longer couples avoid sexual contact, the harder it is to break the cycle. Maintain sexual contact during difficult times even if initially you are not in the mood. The intimacy at these times will bring you closer and strengthen the bond between the two of you.


Creating positive sexual desire does not have to be complicated, although it may take a little time and effort. Here are a few ideas to get you going. But for a full, sizzling collection of many more fun ideas, read on more from Hot Sex and Fix A Sexless Marriage

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How To Cope If She Has A Lower Sexual Desire Than Yours





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Are you unhappy with your sex life because she has little or lack of sexual desire? What can you do when you are faced with this situation?


Do you have any of the following symptoms–


(a)    You have sex maybe 10-12 times in 3 years

(b)   She has little or no interest in sex and any other sexual activities

(c)    Sex becomes a chore for her

(d)   You initiate almost all sexual activities

(e)    When she does initiate it, she wants to quickly get over with it

(f)    You no longer have any sexual fantasies about your partner

(g)   You do not feel connected to each other emotionally and sexually

(h)   You increasingly feel lonely, dissatisfied, unloved and empty


If you have one or more of the above symptoms, you are likely to face the situation of a low or no-sex relationship or sexless marriage. There may be many underlying reasons for a woman to be not interested in sex and it is very normal for you to feel frustrated when you have unmet expectations.


Here are a few suggestions that you can try at least to start the ball rolling in order to reverse this trend of decreasing sexual desire.


(1)   Reclaim your sexual side for yourself


Orgasm is a great stress reliever and there is a need for an outlet for your sexual release. A way you can do is to masturbate. This will help to keep your emotions in check if the level of frustration continues to intensify. Do remember that it is your responsibility to keep in touch with your own physical needs.


(2)   Touch her in non-sexual ways


Studies have shown that a simple touch can reduce anxiety, lower blood pressure, decrease pain and fear, inhibit loneliness and release endorphins in the brain that not only make us feel loved, but want to give love in return.


Affection and non-sexual touch can build trusts, deepen intimacy and strengthen a relationship. Holding hands, hugging, kissing and gentle massage of the neck, shoulders and back are wonderful ways to show affection without the pressure of sex. You need to break the touch barrier that is happening between the both of you.


(3)   Have a heart-to-heart talk


You can put across how you feel to your woman in a non-confrontation way. You can say something like this – “I love you. I feel that something that is important to me is missing in our relationship. I need a more intimate relationship.” Then ask her to set aside a time to have the most open and honest conversation about sex that you can ever have with her.


If she says no, ask if she would prefer to do it with the help of trained personnel such as marriage counselor or a sex therapist who is non-judgmental and unbiased. If she still says no, tell her that being in a sexless marriage is not what you want and you are willing to work with her to make life together better and that you are asking her to be willing to do the same.


During the open and honest conversation there is a need to find out about your woman’s sexuality such as whether she ever feels sexy, either alone or with you; whether she can pinpoint anything that happen to her in the past that can cause her to hold back sexually; has she ever masturbated or have an orgasm; any reasons for her for not wanting to have sex.


There is a need on your part to be dedicated and patient enough to help her discover her sexuality, possibly for the first time. You must also be willing to do whatever it takes to let her feel comfortable enough to feel sexual.


You need to tell her that you feel unloved, dissatisfied and empty when being trapped in a low-sex or sexless situation. Explain to her that you are willing to do anything to make sure she will enjoy a sexual relationship with you as much as you will.


If her level of sexual experience is an issue, offer to show her what feels good for you. Also ask her to show you what feels good to her, the better if she is willing to masturbate in front of you. Help her to embrace her sexuality and encourage her to share it with you. Learning how to love and please each other is a great bonding experience which can help to strengthen a relationship.


Living in a sexless relationship for long times is very stressful and unhealthy physically, mentally and emotionally. All it takes is the willingness to invest the time and energy to do whatever it takes to save your marriage/relationship by revitalizing your sex life.


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How To Face Up To Differences In Sex Drive




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Do you feel pressured because your partner wants more sex than you? Do you feel neglected because your partner refuses to make love as often as you want to? If this sounds familiar, you are definitely not alone. In fact practically any couple who has been together for any real length of time experience different level of sexual desire.


However sexual incompatibility need not mean the end of an otherwise good relationship. If you are willing to reassess your attitudes, negotiate your sexual needs and talk about your sex lives in an honest and respectful way, you can reclaim the intimacy and closeness that is weakening in your relationship.


How serious is the low libido problem?


One survey revealed that 33.4% of women and 15.5% of men reported lack of sexual interest. Though losing interest in sex may not be as common an occurrence for men as it is for women, but when men lose interest in sex, it scares them a lot more because their masculinity is so linked to their sexuality.


Loss of libido also makes men more likely to be unhappy about the rest of their lives than it does for women. Only 23% of men with loss of libido say they still feel very happy about life in general versus 46% of women.


Libido loss does not usually happen suddenly. It is a gradual process. When most relationships first begin there is high degree of passion and sexual frequency. Sex often happens effortlessly and spontaneously and desire feels mutual due to the newness of discovering one another as well as the newness of the relationship. After about 18 months, this new-found excitement and intrigue begins to wane and different sexual patterns can start to emerge. It can feel confusing and disheartening and you may question whether you are sexually compatible or if you still love your partner.


Desire fluctuates for a variety of reasons. Stress, fatigue, depression, performance anxiety, erectile dysfunction, certain types of medication and ill-health can all contribute to problems. Hormonal changes can cause loss of libido and any underlying resentment or anger towards your partner will also interfere with your motivation to be intimate.


What to avoid?


One of the most damaging mistakes you can do is to blame one another for the different levels of sexual interest. Often the person with the lower sex drive is being targeted as the main cause of the problem. This can cause the accused person to get defensive and this can lead to greater sexual frustration.


How to face up to low libido


An important step is to acknowledge that both of you are different people with different levels of desire. After all, if your desires to eat, sleep, socialize, or exercise is unlikely to be perfectly matched with your partner’s, the same can also happen to your sex drive. Both also need to take responsibility for addressing this issue and making the necessary changes and adjustments.


It can be a bit embarrassing to talk about your sex lives and to clarify with your partner about what turn you on and what do not, but it is critical in re-establishing and maintaining a satisfying sex life. Couples experiencing desire discrepancy are encouraged to negotiate their likes and dislikes or to look for ways to compromise. Do not compare your sex life to anyone else or what you see in porn. What matters most is what is right for you as a couple.


In dealing with marital anger as a cause of low libido, you can either consider couples therapy or a real heart-to-heart talk. But in the meantime, it may be possible to jump-start your sex life. How to do it?


Well, just do it! A common misconception about sex is that we should get into the mood first before we do it. However the professional view is that if we keep waiting for the desire to come, some of us would never have sex again. It is sometimes important to just have sex even if you are not in the mood. Once you start, desire and arousal often follow. Do not let the time between sex drags on for too long.


Of course, it is most important that this has to happen under the situation when mutual feelings of kindness and respect already exist in the relationship. In this way you will be able to be open to your partner and experience sex as an act of love rather than a performance or just going through the motion.


It is also important to shift our attitudes towards sex by treating it as not just erections, orgasms and penetration and. Instead it should be regarded as a source of pleasure and intimacy. In meeting each other’s needs, you have to accept that you may get less sex than you ideally like and have to look for other ways to feel emotionally and physically close.


The bottom-line here is not about getting more sex, but getting better. Frequency should not be the sole measure of libido. Feelings count too. How you feel about the whole lovemaking process should be the true measure of whether your libido is healthy.


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For Women – I Love Sex But It Has Become Boring, How To Fix It?




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Do you recall or miss those good old days when lovemaking sessions resemble those Hitchcock movies which are filled with suspense and thrill? Do you feel that of late, having sex with your husband/lover starts to get boring and more like a chore? Are you wondering how to keep the situation from deteriorating into a sexless marriage?


Intimacy between lovers, no matter how powerful and passionate, has a tendency to fade over time. If disappointment and resentment over this diminished passion sets in, this can have adverse effects on the overall relationship. Let’s face it. There are going to be times when libido is low probably due to stress and this is perfectly normal. Here are some great ways to overcome sexual boredom and give your sex life some kick.


(1)   Strengthen emotional intimacy


First of all, you have to realize that intimacy involves more than just sex. Emotional intimacy which is the basis for any truly meaningful sexual relationship is also equally important. Make sure that you and your partner/husband have affectionate moments throughout the day. This may consist of hugging, cuddling, holding hands, kissing, hugging or talking about the things that excite your partner/husband.


Knowing and doing those things that can arouse your partner/husband mentally will help you to work magic when the time comes. Paying attention to your partner’s daily life will be the key in discovering the things that can arouse him.


(2)   Throw away your inhibitions


When sex has becomes boring, it is time to be more adventurous and straightforward with regards to what types of things you like to do. Try suggesting role-playing to your husband. List what turns you both on. Is it you as a cow-girl or him as Batman? It is being tied up or you doing the tying? Or other fantasies about celebrities, teachers, friends and people both of you barely know.


Compare your lists and his and decide on what both of you are willing to try. Next you shop around for costumes, accessories and other items to make your fantasy complete. After you have got what you want, you set a time to try it out.


You can do a debrief after the fantasy session to talk about what you both like/dislike and what you want next, such as the things to add or remove. Through role-playing, you may be able to strike a chord that sends your husband into a frenzy of sexual energy that he has yet tapped into.


(3)   Change your sex routine


Predictability is a key ingredient that is often seen in many sexual relationships after a while. Through all your nights together, you have probably grown accustomed to certain techniques, touches and patterns that you believe are ideal for the sensations of both you and your husband. No matter how good you are at doing these, sex inevitably can get stale if you go through the same motion without making any changes. Therefore, injecting some element of spontaneity and uncertainties can make sex interesting.


If you typically make love at night, then it is high time to change your game plan. You can try morning or mid afternoon sex. If you are usually not aggressive when it comes to sex, change your behavior tonight. Take charge and seduce him; initiate foreplay, undress him at will and touch him differently than you have before. The key is to surprise him.


If you normally have sexual intercourse in the missionary position, something different like placing your legs over his shoulders in that position or riding on top of him is a huge stride in the way of spontaneity.


Taking your intimate relationship in a new direction has the potential to excite your husband. Excitement is an aspect of sex that often gets left behind in a committed relationship, but it can always be brought back to the forefront.


(4)   Try having sex in a new location


Location can also play an interesting factor in making sex exciting. The key to plowing through sexual boredom is to move out of your comfort zone. You can try having sex in a car, giving him oral pleasure when both of you are stuck in a traffic jam, making love in the bathroom, public washroom, cinemas, library, dressing rooms, beaches, pools, cemetery, balconies, hiking trails, building elevator, etc. A change of scenery can do both of you a lot of good and get you to some of the best sex you have never experienced before.


Spicing up a stale sex routine needs cooperation, time and energy. However, this is worthwhile because in the process it allows you to communicate better with your partner and as a result deepen your bond, learn new things about each other when you think you know it all and become excited about sex again. Start doing this tonight – or even tomorrow morning.


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