What To Do If Sex Is Neither Enough Nor Satisfactory




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Do you remember when you first met your spouse and you were madly in love with each other? When you were not together, you kept thinking of each other from sunrise to sunset and you can’t wait to see each other. When you were together, you could not keep your hands off each other. Later on as you get more comfortable with each other, intimacy settles into a fixed pattern and it is unlikely to get better on its own. You will have to be open to new ideas and explore ways to strengthen the desire for one another as well as improving intimacy in the relationship.


What Makes A Healthy Relationship Works?


Basically, for every long-term relationship to flourish and be successful, you need to have three key elements which are intimacy, desire or passion and commitment. Not all relationships have these three key elements. Some relationships have only one or two of the key elements.


If a relationship is only pure passion or desire without any intimacy and commitment, it is best described as infatuated love or infatuation. If a relationship has both passion and intimacy but no commitment, it is only romantic love and many dating relationships fall into this category. If what is left in a relationship is only commitment, this will be empty love and many long-term couples fall into this category. A relationship consisting of only intimacy and commitment but lack of passion is more of a companion type of relationship. Though better than empty love but is still less than satisfactory and is a trap for long-term relationships. A relationship that has passion and commitment but no intimacy is best described as a passionate, whirlwind courtship that has quickly moved to marriage, with not enough time to build intimacy.


How To Strengthen Desire And Intimacy In A Relationship?


It is anticipation, rather than obligation and pressure that fuels desire. In any long-term relationship, it is necessary to anticipate sex in the same way as you would for other activities such as dinners, concerts and social gatherings. Though this may conflict with the idea about being spontaneous and romantic, however in reality, we are often so overwhelmed by the many responsibilities that sex is likely to be put at lower priority. You cannot count on spontaneity to make things happen. There is nothing wrong with planned, intentional sexual dates. To enhance the sexual experience in your ‘dates’, both of you can make special requests on how to turn on each other. This will establish a positive cycle of anticipation, satisfaction and regularity.


Another way of building anticipation is to put an idea into your partner’s head about something that seems fun and exciting which is going to happen in the not too distant future. You keep referring back and touching upon this topic. It will serve to put your partner in a different mind state and feel excited even if nothing particularly exciting is happening at the time.


For example, you remind your wife about the romantic dinner you have planned to try a new cuisine on a particular night. As you keep reminding her, you will build up her anticipation and make her feel excited to see you when you return home. You tell your boyfriend about how you are going to make love to him like crazy tonight. You remind him by texting about it to keep him thinking about this. You can be sure he will be rushing home to see you tonight. Making things exciting by keeping your partner in a constant state of anticipation by way of planning intentional sexual dates or anything that seems fun, exciting or unusual will in turn enhance desire.


Intimacy (which is the feeling of closeness, sharing and connection) is another important component of sexual desire. Marital sex involves integrating intimacy and eroticism. Sexual desire is strong when both parties value emotional and sexual intimacy (or connection).


How Do You Increase Intimacy In A Relationship?


Here are some ways you can practice on.


(1)   You need to learn about each other’s emotional needs and not take each other for granted. You have to find out about what things that can allow your partner to feel loved and valued by you. You have to continue to do the little things and use the same sort of thoughtfulness and caring gestures you did when you were first courting. It is unlikely that both of you share the same emotional needs. Therefore, you avoid making the mistake of only showing love in the same way that you like to receive love.


You make intentional, regular and daily deposits into each other’s emotional bank account in ways that your partner recognizes as loving, caring behavior. This may require having you to get out of your comfort zone. If your partner needs to be touched and you are not the touching type, it is time for you to learn a new language of love. This can be uncomfortable to you at first. But if you refuse to change your way, it will be sending her the message that you do not care enough to learn to love her in the way she wants to and you will only want to do things in your own way.


(2)   You strengthen the connection with each other by tuning in to each other’s feelings and needs, intentionally looking for ways to express caring, spending time with each other and having fun together.


(3)   You express fondness by touching each other affectionately every day. Tender touch is a fundamental need for human beings. Touch is healing and is also a way of expressing love and acceptance. When someone touches you it is like they are acknowledging you.


(4)   When you are upset or angry about something your spouse has done, you can try to be more understanding and forgiving of each other to prevent the barriers to communication from affecting intimacy.


Remember that you need desire, intimacy and commitment to keep a relationship strong. With good communication, you are able to understand each other’s needs. Based on this knowledge of each other’s needs, you make an effort to do the little things regularly to show you care. You use anticipation to drive passion or desire by setting aside time for passionate moments and by feeding fun and exciting ideas by setting aside time for passionate moments which you intend to make them happen. If you can do these, you will continue to have great sex, regardless of how long you have been in the relationship.


For a detailed road map on how to make passion and intimacy an important part of your  relationship, you can click on Hot Sex and Turn The Heat On

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Is Watching Porn Okay?




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Does his habit of watching porn bother you a lot? Is watching porn alright? Can watching porn affect your relationship?


Pornography is a common part of private lives of many couples and individuals. It can be a great tool for couples to improve intimacy, if it is introduced into a relationship correctly. Men are more likely to be drawn to porn because they derive more enjoyment from visual stimulation.


People will watch porn by themselves for a variety of reasons. They feel it takes away the pressure of having to perform, or is a good and fast way to relieve stress without having to spend time being intimate.


Some experts believe a sexual relationship can be enhanced when imagination is allowed to run wild. Many are of the opinion that if sexual intimacy is not being replaced by porn watching, then it should not be an issue in a marriage. Others contend that a guy’s porn watching habit can only hurt his partner’s feelings if she allows herself to be bothered by this. If she has a good self-image and does not feel insecure, she should not feel hurt by her partner’s habit.  Whether or not pornography will add to or lessen a couple’s sexual enjoyment is up to each couple.


When coming to the question about whether watching porn is alright, there is no specific right or wrong answer to it. As long as we are talking about legal adult movies and as long as everyone who is watching is consenting, there is nothing inherently bad in pornography.


Porn watching can only become harmful when he allows himself to be addicted to it or gets too obsessive about it. It is a problem when a guy will rather choose to watch porn instead of being intimate with an available and interested partner. But the problem may be more about the relationship than the porn.


When Is Watching Porn Considered Excessive?


According to a research conducted on online behavior, for people who engaged in any kind of sexual activity for less than an hour a week, their habit had little impact on their lives. However, if the exposure to online porn was 11 hours or more a week, the respondents said their habits could affect both their self-image and feelings about their partners. Therefore anywhere between one and ten hours a week is a grey area, which is still tolerable. It may be just a way to release stress.


When Or Under What Situations Can Watching Porn Becoming A Relationship Problem?


Guilt, mistrust and anger about pornography can hurt marriages. Turning to pornography may cause a guy to be emotionally withdrawn from his relationship with spouse because he receives instant gratification from his fantasies. When a woman disapproves of his partner’s porn use habit, this can create a wedge in the relationship. Porn could make it difficult for a guy to see sex as a loving form of communication. As a result, pornography can decrease sexual satisfaction within a relationship.


The obvious sign for misuse of porn is the lack of sexual desire in a relationship. Other signs and symptoms of porn addiction are excessive masturbation, moodiness, and a guy who almost totally ‘shut’ himself off from the outside world to the extent that he neglects his family, spouse, job, hobbies, etc. He will stay up late at night just to spend time on the computer and he wants to be alone when he is online. He will also refuse to admit there is a problem with his behavior and is unwilling to talk about it.


If you feel that your spouse is slowly pulling away from being intimate with you and he is not willing to let you see what he is watching because it may be inappropriate, you should consider going to get help together. You have the right to expect your needs to be addressed, exactly as much as he has the right to have his needs addressed.


Sitting down to discuss with him is the first step towards understanding why your partner favors pornography and how both of you can improve the intimacy going forward. Allowing a problem like this to fester has the potential to ruin a relationship. Without being judgmental, it would be best to find out what he likes about porn. Is it due to fantasy? Ask him if there is anything that he sees that he wants both of you to try. Is his behavior due to boredom or habit? No matter what reasons he has for his actions and if it is having a negative impact on your sex life, you have the right to an explanation.


At the same time, you need to think about your feelings around porn. Is it something that interests you at all? If so, there are some key things you need to consider about picking movies that may help you out. If you are not keen in making porn a part of your sexual relationship, are you willing to let him watch it sometimes? If you feel absolutely wrong about this, how are you going to explain your reasons to him? It is normal that we will never share all our partners’ sexual interests. To some extent, relationship is about compromise and there may come a time when one or both of you have to meet somewhere in the middle.


For this, or any other issues relating to your intimacy and relationship, do not hesitate to get a counselor’s help even if you are doing this on your own. Trained professionals can help you address tough questions like these without becoming confrontational. At the same time, you can enlist some self-help by clicking on Hot Sex and Relationship Help

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How Can I Last Longer Without The Need To Take Viagra




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Do you want to have a good time in bed? Do you know that life energy and sexual energy are quite closely related?  Just imagine if you cannot walk up a flight of stairs without panting away, how are you going to have energy and stamina to handle the physical strains put on the body by sexual activity?


Can you ever really look your best in bed and outside the bedroom when you are tense, nervous or stressed? Certainly not. But no one can live a stress-free life. Stress is a cumulative process. The small daily stress can add up gradually and eventually overwhelm you. As a result, when you get out of balance both physically and emotionally, sex drive will take a dive.


Are you angry at your spouse or partner? At yourself? Do you feel anxious about having sex? The most efficient way to relieve stress and reduce anxiety is by exercising. It can help to stimulate the production of endorphins which are a kind of feel-good hormone in your brain that can increase your sex drive and make your orgasms stronger. You do not need to be a super athlete, but basic physical health will improve your sexual functioning.


Exercise can help you look good and studies have shown that adults who are fit have a more active sex life than those with sedentary lifestyle. Exercise and sex have a lot in common. Both causes you to sweat, promote blood circulation, burn calories, relieve stress and make you feel good. When you start to improve your body, you will like yourself better and have more confidence. You will then be more attractive to opposite sex.


Exercise not only enhances your sexual desire but also makes it more enjoyable and satisfying. It increases the level of testosterone in both men and women thereby ensuring better sex life. If you are experiencing low libido, it is time to stop accepting it and start exercising.


The strength training of the large muscle groups in the legs, back and chest can stimulate the release of testosterone in both men and women, which increases libido. This is especially true if you get into the habit of lifting weights. By working out at least 3 times a week, you will receive both physical and mental benefits that will help your overall sexual attractiveness. Sex also requires you to hold occasionally unusual positions for short periods of time, so conditioning your body by way of muscular endurance exercises (such as weight training) can help a lot for longer lasting sex.


For enthusiastic sex, you need to build cardio endurance and energy levels by exercising regularly and practicing alternate days of aerobics, strength training and stretching. Try stretching after your workouts or incorporate a little yoga into your routine. Stretching exercise can improve your body flexibility which can enhance your sex life by making it a bit easier for you to get into your favorite position with a minimum of fuss.


Men need to exercise for their cardiovascular health in order to experience a sustained erection. Studies show that men with erectile dysfunction (ED) could be at risk for cardiovascular disease like heart attack and stroke. The most recent of those studies, published in the journal Mayo Clinic Proceedings in 2009, showed that ED may predict future heart disease. The 1,400 men who took part in that study had never been diagnosed with heart disease. But over the next decade, men with ED were 80% more likely to develop heart disease than men without ED.


To keep up the habit of regular exercising, it will be a great idea to do this together with your spouse or partner. Exercising with your spouse will not only have a positive impact on one another’s health, but for your sex life too. Doing things together can improve both emotional and sexual intimacy.


Now that you understand the importance of regular exercise which can provide you with more energy, especially when it comes to sex. The increased stamina that you can gain can be used to provide women with an incredible sexual experience.


For additional help and ideas to be that outstanding lover enjoying distinct advantages over other guys, you can click on Hot Sex and Last Longer

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Why She Dislikes Having Sex




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What causes a woman to dislike having sex and why she likes to keep it this way? Can a guy do anything to reverse this? Here are 5 ways to make sex fun for you and her.


Why Does A Woman Hate Having Sex


Before trying to overcome the barriers to a great sex life, it will be useful to understand what causes her to dislike having sex.


Even though most women are able to voice out their unhappiness, some choose to hide their feelings. If your woman behaves in this manner, both of your sex life can be seriously affected. Sexual intercourse will be like going through the motion because he is not emotionally and sexually connected to you. Worse still, she may withhold sex and use this as a bargaining chip.


A woman who feels been neglected by her partner or whose husband cheated on her can impede her desire to connect sexually. For her, there is a lot of wrong in the relationship and sex is no easy remedy. If the guy refuses to face up to this issue by seeking out ways to resolve the problem by open discussion or getting professional help, then chances are he will not find a willing, passionate sex partner.


Of course, there are some women who never, ever actually enjoy having sex. While some will try to work this out with their men in looking for ways to get the most out of their sexual relationship, others are resigned to the idea that sexual frustration is with them to stay. With expectations significantly lower, she will not be able to have orgasm.


How To Fix A Low-Sex Relationship


While there is no guarantee of a quick fix, the following ideas should at least start the ball rolling before the situation gets too serious to require the services of a counselor or therapist.


(1)   Pay attention to her


It is every guy’s responsibility to become intimately well-informed with the woman he wants to have great sex with. You need to pay attention to her signals in daily life. You need to know what she likes and dislikes and to understand what makes your woman feel angry, hurt, insecure or loved.


(2)   Avoid making her feel being treated as a sex object


While a man offers love to have sex, a woman needs to feel emotionally connected before she can get in the mood for making love. If you are only nice to her when you want to have sex with her, she will only feel that you are treating her as a sex object. A woman’s main sexual organ is her brain. If you do not work on her brain by making her feel loved and respected as your partner and wife, she is not going to get turned on by way any of your sexual techniques. Therefore treat her with kindness and consideration in and outside the bedroom.


(3)   Assure her


When she is naked, assure her with appropriate comments and touching. Women who worry about the way they look down there are less likely to orgasm easily during sex. According to a study done by the Journal Of Sex Research, women who feel embarrassed or ashamed about their bodies have less sexual experience and are less sexually assertive.


(4)   Strengthen emotional intimacy


This can be done by having real communication with each other regularly, which I mean both talking and listening attentively. If there are any disagreements, resolve them as soon as you can to guard against the storing up of anger and resentment. There is also a need to make an effort to spend time together. Couples who can relate well with one another and share activities together tend to be more active in sex.


(5)   Enjoy the process and not to be concerned over the outcome


There is a need to recognize that sex is not always perfect. You have to learn to relax and surrender to the moment and simply enjoy the process. If the outcome is not what you expect, see this imperfection as an enriching experience and a chance for you to improve on it later.


I am sure you never want to be a lousy lover in bed. Get yourself acquainted with the various sexual techniques and customize/tailor-made them to match with her needs. You can find out more about this by clicking on Hot Sex and Great Lover

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How To Turn Her On Again When Sex Frequency Is Declining




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Has it ever happened to you that when you snuggle up to her, she will say – I do not want to have sex tonight, dear; I have a headache? Do you at times have to do a lot of coaxing and persuasion in order to nudge her into sex?


Are you faced with any of the following symptoms –


(a)    1-2 times per month

(b)   Sex becomes a chore

(c)    Do not feel intimate after sex

(d)   You do not have any sexual fantasies about your partner

(e)    It seems only one of you are more keen on sex

(f)    There is no sense of adventure or spontaneity in sex

(g)   Neither of you are frisky in the bedroom any more


If you have one or more of the above symptoms, you are probably facing the situation of a low-sex marriage.


In whatever category you and your partner find yourself belong to, chances are you may still have experienced your share of sexual rejection in your relationship. You may have had to endure a period of ‘drought’ when your partner is not in the mood for sex. While some couples do not see this no-sex or low-sex situation as an issue, it can be a cause for concern to others. This is especially so when one party is never in the mood and the other is always quite keen.


If you have this problem of no-sex or not enough sex in your relationship, here are the 6 tips that will help you to improve sexual intimacy


(1)   Share sexual expectations


It is necessary that partners discuss with one another their sexual needs and wants particularly in relation to the regularity or frequency aspects. Ask your partner how often and when he or she would like to be intimate. Does he/she prefer making love in the morning or at the end of the day?


Through this exchange of views, both of you may be closer to a common set of expectations than you may think. If there are big differences in these expectations, jointly come up with a plan that can take into consideration each other’s needs and giving some room for compromise.


(2)   Recognize each other’s differences in sexual desire


It is very unlikely that your appetite, the amount of sleep you require, how sociable you are and other aspects of your personality will always be perfectly matched with your partner’s. Therefore it is nothing weird or abnormal if you want more or less sex than your partner. A couple must learn not to make this issue a deal-breaker.  By seeing this as a very normal sexual issue, you can negotiate your sexual needs and talk about your sex lives in an honest and respectful way. It will then be possible to reclaim the intimacy and closeness you are both missing.


(3)   Be respectful to the low sexual desire partner


If you are the one with a higher sex drive level, you have to accept that you may get less sex than you would ideally like. You have to learn not to over-react to a ‘no’ to sex and accept it respectfully. Avoid sexual bullying, begging or manipulating. This is indeed a very tough act to follow and it helps a lot when the low-desire partner can at the same time be more understanding of the high-desire partner’s needs.


(4)   Get to the root of the problem


Remember that you cannot have good sex in a bad relationship. Probe deeper to see if there are any underlying resentment or anger from/towards your partner that act as an obstacle to greater intimacy. Hormonal fluctuations, medication, past sexual trauma, painful sex or undiagnosed illness can all have an impact on our sexual desire. Face up to all these issues and look for ways to resolve them. Seek professional help if you are unable to change things on your own.


(5)   Strive for greater intimacy


Intimacy in a relationship is not automatic. It must be developed and nurtured through cultivating an environment characterized by mutual trust and respect, deep communication and time-together. You cannot be intimate if you do not talk and spend time with each other. Making your spouse’s needs a priority is an excellent way of breaking down the barriers to a great sex life.


(6)   Sometimes have sex even if the mood is not there


If we just wait for the mood to come to have sex, some of us would never have it. This seems contradictory to what I said about learning to accept ‘no’ to sex. But marriage is all about mutual love and respect and compromise which involves at times giving way to his/her needs. Once you start the ball rolling and just do it, desire and arousal often follow.


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