What If Your Partner Wants More Or Less Sex Than You




Click On Here To Find Out How You Can Bring The Passion Back Into The Bedroom


The number one sexual problem facing most couples is low or no sex or discrepancies in sexual desire between spouses. Studies have found that one in three women and one in seven men report low sexual desire.


When one spouse pushes for sex while the other tries to avoid it at all cost, conflict, frustration and boredom will often happen in the relationship. Often with inhibited desire of one spouse, the other spouse becomes pushy and resentful, which leads to lack of affection and closeness. The longer the couple avoids sexual contact it becomes harder to break the cycle. The longer they hold back from sexual contact, the more they tend to blame each other.


Low sexual desire can have a lot of causes. These may include childhood sexual abuse, guilt regarding previous sexual activities or partners, performance anxiety, lack of genuine feelings for one’s spouse, shame about a sexual fetish or lack of physical attraction.


Having said so, the occasional lack of desire is normal. In extreme times of conflict, when there is death, financial or work issues, it is normal not to feel sexual. Sometimes partners do not feel the same sexual desire. One may just want a kiss but the other may want an orgasm. It becomes a problem when it is chronic and when conflict over sex happens very often.


Maintaining sexual desire, attraction and trust is an ongoing process that takes effort and initiative for both individuals. When a couple’s sexual expression begins to lag and lack excitement, the key to rebuilding marital sexual desire is to enjoy non-demanding pleasuring, increasing intimacy and having fun together. Both members must be committed to revitalizing the sexual energy.


What Are The Important Components For Maintaining Sexual Desire?


(1)   Jointly solving the problem as a couple


Regardless of what originally caused the problem, it is easier to break the cycle if you are able to talk about the sexual difficulty as a couple issues. Viewing a lack of sexual desire as a couple problem reduces guilt, defensiveness and blaming.


(2)    Anticipate and plan for sexual encounter


Once in while (every few months) think of something nice you can do for your partner. Spoiling your spouse is definitely a win-win proposition for a relationship. Best is when you can tease your partner about what you plan to do and keep this in his/her mind for days before it happens.


(3)   Recognize that sex is more than just intercourse and orgasm


Spend time kissing, holding hands, touching and being together in intimate ways. This can include showering or bathing together, romantic or erotic dancing, playing games like strip poker. The key to healthy marital sexuality is to find a mutually comfortable level of intimacy while allowing space and freedom to experience sexual desire and eroticism.


(4)   Be open to sexual experimentation


Too many couples walk into the bedroom without a plan and have the same old boring sex. Variety is the sexy spice of life and will do a lot to enhance your sexual desire. It is only fair you take turns initiating new ideas. To help your partner plan out a fun sex evening, let him/her knows what you will like to do. Both of you can fill out a ‘sex wish list’ and exchange this with each other. This will get you all juiced up.


(5)   Maintain a regular rhythm of affection and sexual contact


Try to be intimate in some form on a regular basis. The longer couples avoid sexual contact, the harder it is to break the cycle. Maintain sexual contact during difficult times even if initially you are not in the mood. The intimacy at these times will bring you closer and strengthen the bond between the two of you.


Creating positive sexual desire does not have to be complicated, although it may take a little time and effort. Here are a few ideas to get you going. But for a full, sizzling collection of many more fun ideas, read on more from Hot Sex and Fix A Sexless Marriage

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Causes Of Low Female Libido And How To Overcome This

Low libido in women or low sexual desire is the most common sexual problem affecting at least one-third of women. Some women are much distressed over this loss of libido, feeling as if they are letting their partners down. However there are many things women can do to rekindle their passion and bring pleasure back in their sex lives.


What can cause the loss of libido in women?


(1)   Psychological issues


Fear of pregnancy can hurt sex drive. This is especially so in those Roman Catholic societies where the church frowns on contraceptives and abortion. Problems with physical or mental health, medication, recreational drug abuse, past sexual abuse and daily life stress are other factors.


(2)   Negative views on sex


Double standards on sex can have a big effect on women’s sexual desire. Men are looked at as studs if they are sexual, but women are still being called sluts. Some of us are being fed with some negative sex beliefs such as sex is dirty or immoral, or should only be used for procreation. All these negative views can kill sex drive.


(3)   Biological factors


Hormonal fluctuations due to pregnancy, breast-feeding and pre-menopause syndrome can lessen sexual desire. Vaginal dryness which can result from declining estrogen levels can make sex painful and cause loss of libido. Testosterone level also affects libido in women which normally peaks in their mid-20s and declines from there until menopause.


(4)   Relationship problems


What happens outside the bedroom will eventually set the mood inside the bedroom. Conflict in other parts of the relationship can affect sex life. Differences over monetary matters, child rearing, and relationship with in-laws can result in anger, resentment and cause women to mentally shut out sex.


How to rekindle the passion?


(1)   Focusing on own needs


The thing that can most inhibit desire in women is to be too concerned about others at the expense of own interests and comfort. If women want to enjoy sex and have orgasm, they need to pander to their own needs and to do the things that can pleasure themselves.


(2)   Improving intimacy


Before looking for ways to spice up sex life, it helps to work on improving the intimate connection first. Studies have proven that a simple touch can help to release endorphins in the brain that not only make us feel loved, but want to give love in return. Surprise her with an unexpected hug, a surprisingly romantic or a naughty tickling.


(3)   Injecting some novelty


Marriage life inevitably sinks into boredom and hurts libido if both gets too comfortable with routine. Change the place and time to have sex, experience with different sex positions, and create a conducive mood for sex in the bedroom, living room, kitchen or just anywhere you can imagine. Try role playing to be someone or something else, dress up and play sexy games with your partner. Do something different or adventurous outside of the bedroom as well. Consider watching horror movies, riding a roller coaster, or doing bungee jump, trying an exotic cuisine with your partner in a newly opened restaurant.


(4)   Stimulating yourself


It can be pressurizing for some women to have orgasm with their partners. A way to overcome this is to engage in masturbation. This process can help a woman to discover what and how she can be aroused. After knowing what feels good, you can guide your partner in how he can please you sexually.


(5)   Using lubricants


If vaginal dryness is a problem, go to a local pharmacy or sex shop where you can choose the different flavors and aromas of lubricants. Applying estrogen cream into the vagina can help to increase vaginal secretions. If possible, you can discuss with your doctor about the options before trying anything.


(6)   Having realistic expectations


What you often see in porn movies is usually not an accurate reflection of reality and can be exaggerating at times. If sometimes you cannot have orgasm during sex, it can be due to some temporary factors and is not due to your fault. If you are concerned about how you look when naked that you want to make love with lights off, you are probably too harsh in evaluating your own body. Your partner probably finds you more attractive than you think you are. So you should relax, be kinder to yourself, just enjoy the process of lovemaking and gradually your libido will return.


(7)   Having a deep conversation


You should not expect your partner to be able to read your mind like a book all the time. If you want pleasure during sex, the simplest way is to let your partner knows what arouses you. Put your request in a compliment rather than a complaint. For example, you can say, “It really turns me on when you take your time on foreplay before we have sex.” For discussions on sex, it is better for this to take place outside of the bedroom to avoid been too pressurizing to both sides.


All strong relationships require communication, effort and a little commitment to spice things up. If you want help to make your love life interesting and satisfying again, you can click on Hot Sex and Get Her In Mood.

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