What If Your Partner Wants More Or Less Sex Than You

 

 

 

Click On Here To Find Out How You Can Bring The Passion Back Into The Bedroom

 

The number one sexual problem facing most couples is low or no sex or discrepancies in sexual desire between spouses. Studies have found that one in three women and one in seven men report low sexual desire.

 

When one spouse pushes for sex while the other tries to avoid it at all cost, conflict, frustration and boredom will often happen in the relationship. Often with inhibited desire of one spouse, the other spouse becomes pushy and resentful, which leads to lack of affection and closeness. The longer the couple avoids sexual contact it becomes harder to break the cycle. The longer they hold back from sexual contact, the more they tend to blame each other.

 

Low sexual desire can have a lot of causes. These may include childhood sexual abuse, guilt regarding previous sexual activities or partners, performance anxiety, lack of genuine feelings for one’s spouse, shame about a sexual fetish or lack of physical attraction.

 

Having said so, the occasional lack of desire is normal. In extreme times of conflict, when there is death, financial or work issues, it is normal not to feel sexual. Sometimes partners do not feel the same sexual desire. One may just want a kiss but the other may want an orgasm. It becomes a problem when it is chronic and when conflict over sex happens very often.

 

Maintaining sexual desire, attraction and trust is an ongoing process that takes effort and initiative for both individuals. When a couple’s sexual expression begins to lag and lack excitement, the key to rebuilding marital sexual desire is to enjoy non-demanding pleasuring, increasing intimacy and having fun together. Both members must be committed to revitalizing the sexual energy.

 

What Are The Important Components For Maintaining Sexual Desire?

 

(1)   Jointly solving the problem as a couple

 

Regardless of what originally caused the problem, it is easier to break the cycle if you are able to talk about the sexual difficulty as a couple issues. Viewing a lack of sexual desire as a couple problem reduces guilt, defensiveness and blaming.

 

(2)    Anticipate and plan for sexual encounter

 

Once in while (every few months) think of something nice you can do for your partner. Spoiling your spouse is definitely a win-win proposition for a relationship. Best is when you can tease your partner about what you plan to do and keep this in his/her mind for days before it happens.

 

(3)   Recognize that sex is more than just intercourse and orgasm

 

Spend time kissing, holding hands, touching and being together in intimate ways. This can include showering or bathing together, romantic or erotic dancing, playing games like strip poker. The key to healthy marital sexuality is to find a mutually comfortable level of intimacy while allowing space and freedom to experience sexual desire and eroticism.

 

(4)   Be open to sexual experimentation

 

Too many couples walk into the bedroom without a plan and have the same old boring sex. Variety is the sexy spice of life and will do a lot to enhance your sexual desire. It is only fair you take turns initiating new ideas. To help your partner plan out a fun sex evening, let him/her knows what you will like to do. Both of you can fill out a ‘sex wish list’ and exchange this with each other. This will get you all juiced up.

 

(5)   Maintain a regular rhythm of affection and sexual contact

 

Try to be intimate in some form on a regular basis. The longer couples avoid sexual contact, the harder it is to break the cycle. Maintain sexual contact during difficult times even if initially you are not in the mood. The intimacy at these times will bring you closer and strengthen the bond between the two of you.

 

Creating positive sexual desire does not have to be complicated, although it may take a little time and effort. Here are a few ideas to get you going. But for a full, sizzling collection of many more fun ideas, read on more from Hot Sex and Fix A Sexless Marriage

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For Women – I Love Sex But It Has Become Boring, How To Fix It?

 

 

 

Find Out More From Here The Secrets Of Great Sex

 

Do you recall or miss those good old days when lovemaking sessions resemble those Hitchcock movies which are filled with suspense and thrill? Do you feel that of late, having sex with your husband/lover starts to get boring and more like a chore? Are you wondering how to keep the situation from deteriorating into a sexless marriage?

 

Intimacy between lovers, no matter how powerful and passionate, has a tendency to fade over time. If disappointment and resentment over this diminished passion sets in, this can have adverse effects on the overall relationship. Let’s face it. There are going to be times when libido is low probably due to stress and this is perfectly normal. Here are some great ways to overcome sexual boredom and give your sex life some kick.

 

(1)   Strengthen emotional intimacy

 

First of all, you have to realize that intimacy involves more than just sex. Emotional intimacy which is the basis for any truly meaningful sexual relationship is also equally important. Make sure that you and your partner/husband have affectionate moments throughout the day. This may consist of hugging, cuddling, holding hands, kissing, hugging or talking about the things that excite your partner/husband.

 

Knowing and doing those things that can arouse your partner/husband mentally will help you to work magic when the time comes. Paying attention to your partner’s daily life will be the key in discovering the things that can arouse him.

 

(2)   Throw away your inhibitions

 

When sex has becomes boring, it is time to be more adventurous and straightforward with regards to what types of things you like to do. Try suggesting role-playing to your husband. List what turns you both on. Is it you as a cow-girl or him as Batman? It is being tied up or you doing the tying? Or other fantasies about celebrities, teachers, friends and people both of you barely know.

 

Compare your lists and his and decide on what both of you are willing to try. Next you shop around for costumes, accessories and other items to make your fantasy complete. After you have got what you want, you set a time to try it out.

 

You can do a debrief after the fantasy session to talk about what you both like/dislike and what you want next, such as the things to add or remove. Through role-playing, you may be able to strike a chord that sends your husband into a frenzy of sexual energy that he has yet tapped into.

 

(3)   Change your sex routine

 

Predictability is a key ingredient that is often seen in many sexual relationships after a while. Through all your nights together, you have probably grown accustomed to certain techniques, touches and patterns that you believe are ideal for the sensations of both you and your husband. No matter how good you are at doing these, sex inevitably can get stale if you go through the same motion without making any changes. Therefore, injecting some element of spontaneity and uncertainties can make sex interesting.

 

If you typically make love at night, then it is high time to change your game plan. You can try morning or mid afternoon sex. If you are usually not aggressive when it comes to sex, change your behavior tonight. Take charge and seduce him; initiate foreplay, undress him at will and touch him differently than you have before. The key is to surprise him.

 

If you normally have sexual intercourse in the missionary position, something different like placing your legs over his shoulders in that position or riding on top of him is a huge stride in the way of spontaneity.

 

Taking your intimate relationship in a new direction has the potential to excite your husband. Excitement is an aspect of sex that often gets left behind in a committed relationship, but it can always be brought back to the forefront.

 

(4)   Try having sex in a new location

 

Location can also play an interesting factor in making sex exciting. The key to plowing through sexual boredom is to move out of your comfort zone. You can try having sex in a car, giving him oral pleasure when both of you are stuck in a traffic jam, making love in the bathroom, public washroom, cinemas, library, dressing rooms, beaches, pools, cemetery, balconies, hiking trails, building elevator, etc. A change of scenery can do both of you a lot of good and get you to some of the best sex you have never experienced before.

 

Spicing up a stale sex routine needs cooperation, time and energy. However, this is worthwhile because in the process it allows you to communicate better with your partner and as a result deepen your bond, learn new things about each other when you think you know it all and become excited about sex again. Start doing this tonight – or even tomorrow morning.

 

Want to know some more ways to improve sex life? Click on Hot Sex and Turn Him On

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What Can You Do If You Are Getting Bored With Sex

 

 

 

 

Are you finding it difficult to keep things passionate in your relationship? Do you sometimes feel that you are simply going through the motions and neither of you are frisky in bedroom any more?

 

When most relationships first begin, there is high degree of passion and sexual frequency as both tries to discover each other. Over time as the novelty of the relationship wears off, this new-found excitement and curiosity of each other begins to wane. Practically any couple who has been together for any length of time will eventually struggle with this same issue. But this does not mean accepting the reality and letting the sexual aspect of your romantic life wither and die a slow death.

 

Here are some ways you can do to keep the passion in your sex life.

 

(1)   Recognize that sex can never be perfect

 

If you are expecting each sexual encounter to be earth-shattering and passionate, then you are setting yourself up for consistent disappointment. The reality is the sexual aspect of any relationship resembles that of the sea tide which can experience intermittent high and low tides.

 

Be realistic when you think about what you want to get out of your physical relationship. If both of you are having sex fairly consistently and most of the time enjoying the intimate moments, then you are doing really well. Always remember that something bad can happen – just have fun and stay relaxed.

 

(2)   Make each other feel good and loved even outside the bedroom

 

In school days, we all know that in order to get good grades, we need to prepare well in advance and should not burn midnight oil just only a few days before exams. The same logic also applies to the sexual aspect of the relationship.

 

We tend to think that sex only begins once we head towards the bedroom and that it can behave like cooking instant noodle. It will be unrealistic to be lukewarm to your partner most of the time and to expect ‘heat’ to surge immediately once you enter the bedroom. The idea is that you find ways (every single, little and thoughtful gesture counts) when outside the bedroom to keep the glow in each other’s heart. This is what I have always been emphasizing that you need to pay a lot of attention on the emotional aspects of your sexual relationship.

 

(3)   Constant communication

 

One of the best things you can do to improve sex life is to communicate well with your partner. This may mean taking the time to discuss whatever misgivings you have about the lack of excitement in your relationship or about what you want and enjoy in your intimate moments.

 

Couch your request in a compliment rather than a complaint or criticism. For example you can say something like this – “It really turns me on when you take your time on foreplay before we have sex.”

 

Another way is to have something like a brainstorming session about the outrageous thoughts that ever come to your mind. The idea is to allow the free flow of thoughts (without afraid of being judged negatively) to give each other more chances of coming up with solutions that both can agree on. All good relationships require communication, effort and a little commitment to spice things up.

 

(4)   Spicing up love life

 

This means making an effort and be willing to go the extra mile to find ways to add variety to your sex life and prevent it from becoming boring. Maybe you can have sex at some other time other than on a weekend evening. Make out in the back seat of your car or rent a motel room near your place. Or maybe you switch roles, to allow each other to take turns to play a dominant role in the lovemaking session.

 

Whatever you do, try to release your inhibitions. Keep in mind that as long as you both feel respected and comfortable with what you are doing, you can relax, let yourself go, and enjoy the variety. This is what a healthy sex life is all about which is enjoying yourselves and each other in a way that allows you to express your love to each other in a meaningful way.

 

The bottom-line is to make a concerted effort to relax and liven things up. Just enjoy the whole process and not to be too concerned about the outcome, finding pleasure in everything from the beginning to the end. If you can do this, your sex life will never be boring.

 

Click on Hot Sex and Great Lover if you are keen to find out more ways to keep your girl excited when it comes to having sex.

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If She Is Not Interested In Sex, What Can You Do

 

 

 

 

What can be the possible causes when things are not going well in a romantic and sexual relationship? What can you do to improve your relationship and sex life? Here are some common causes of relationship problems and the things you can do to improve your relationship.

 

(1)   Stop blaming each other

 

It is important not to blame a lack of intimacy on anyone. You may be tempted to place blame on your partner for a lack of emotional and sexual intimacy. You need to understand however that all human beings have inherent need to be close to each other. A better way to handle this is to recognize that both need to take responsibility for having a successful romantic and sexual relationship and to work together at coming up with solutions.

 

(2)   Putting relationship with your partner as a top priority

 

It is important that you do not let schedules and everyday life get in the way of finding time to work on your relationship. If you have the will to make things better, then you need to look at your joint schedules and find time for you to spend with your partner. Make an effort to sit down and have a 2-way talk with your partner about desires and longings, fears and disappointments, triumphs and successes and any other private and intimate details.

 

If you and your partner are struggling to discuss the things that matter to you both, a better way will be to allow each of you a 10-minute uninterrupted talk to allow both sides to listen to each other. If both of you know there is limited time, this will encourage you to be more concise and avoid being ‘drown out’ if the talking deteriorates into nagging. After both of you have your say, allot a further 10 minutes between you. Allowing time for just the two of you (even if it is just once a week) is very important not only to an intimate sex life but also can give a big boost to your overall health of your relationship.

 

(3)   Making an effort for each other

 

It is normal that after being together for quite a long time we tend to take each other for granted. Some of us feel that it is no longer necessary to make an effort to impress or to be nice to each other. As a result, we can become careless in the way we talk to each other and pay scant attention to our appearances.

 

The relationship with your partner is as close as that of your mouth and teeth. Each time when you chew your food, and if you are not careful, you can easily bite your mouth. The same applies to your relationship. Since you are close to each other, you can easily hurt him/her inadvertently in the way you talk. Most of us feel that it is important to have a good relationship with our colleagues and especially our superiors but do not seem to feel the same with our closed ones.

From today onwards, avoid talking in ways that can make your partner feel hurt and eliminate the phrase – the trouble with you. When you are together, make some small effort in looking good to each other such as proper dressing, a clean-shaven face and slight make-up when going out. Do the best to look sexy and appealing to each other.

 

(4)   Making an effort to improve sex life

 

If sex life becomes less satisfying, you need to look at the whole relationship first. Stress or fatigue due to busy working life can be one of the reasons. Often this can be due to unhappiness with the relationship itself. A man may lose interest in sex if the woman is either too aggressive or in the habit of nagging. A woman may feel a lack of interest sexually because of the perception that her man is never good or nice to her unless he wants sex.

 

Assuming that you have resolved the underlying issues in your relationship, there are plenty of ways to liven up your sex life. You can take turns to allow each other to take charge in the lovemaking session. Be adventurous in bed  and outside of bedroom. Take a trip together to a lingerie store, play sex games or introduce sex toys during lovemaking. Try watching an adult movie with your partner to learn some new moves. You may use fantasies – step outside yourself and try to be someone or something else for the evening. You may read erotica to each other before or even during sex.

 

Or, you can read more from Hot Sex and Get Hot to find out how you can improve your sex life.

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What Can You Do If Sex Frequency Gets Lesser?

 

 

 

Find Out From Here About How To Get More Sex

 

When you want to have sex, she will say, “Not tonight dear, I have a headache.” At other times, you need a lot of coaxing and nudging to get her into bed with you. Your sexual frequency gets lesser and lesser. What are the things that are affecting a woman’s sex drive? How can you overcome this situation so that both you and she can again enjoy the pleasure of having orgasm together?

 

What Are the Things Affecting a Woman’s Sexual Desire?

 

The most common factors that hurt sex drive are psychological hindrances (stress, confidence, and anxiety), relationship problems, physical ability and illness.

 

(1)   Relationship problems

 

I am always of the view that the best way to have a good sex life is to begin from outside the bedroom. Sex in marriage is not just about mastering the sexual techniques. You have to pay attention to the emotional aspects of a sexual relationship. If there are unresolved matters in a relationship, these problems will creep into the bedroom and kill sex drive. Open communication without hurting each other personally is the key to a successful relationship in and out of the bedroom.

 

Before you want to spice things up with toys or sexy lingerie, you need to work on communication skills. When you want your partner to do certain things or to make some changes, you package your requests in the form of compliment. This will avoid the request from becoming like a complaint which can lead to defensive behavior. For example if you want your partner to watch less TV, you can compliment him/her when he/she takes time to help with some household tasks, or takes an evening walking with you.

 

Begin your talk with “I” so that this will not come across as being too critical. Here are the examples – “I have been thinking about ………”; “I like to talk about …………” and “I want to have a better understanding of your point of view …………” Avoid bringing up past conflicts/mistakes or your partner’s dishonorable past because they are of little relevance to the present and this can only discourage further communication.

 

If you are particular upset about an issue it is always a good idea to vent out your frustration on paper before approaching your partner with it. This will allow you to release any negative emotions and can help you to present your issue rationally and logically.

 

Besides talking, you have to work on your listening skills. Give your partner full attention rather than trying to guess what he/she will say or working on your response while he/she is still talking. Maintain eye contact and listen with an open mind. Listen to not only your spouse’s words but his/her feelings as well. What is spoken is just as important as what is not spoken such as facial gestures, body language and tone of voice.

 

Problems get solved and misunderstandings will be lesser because both of you are saying what you mean clearly and mean what you say. Couples who communicate well with one another are often more active in sex.

 

(2)   Confidence

 

Bad self-image is one of the major hindrances to a healthy sex life. It can take a long time for a woman to get comfortable with her own body. What you can do is to reassure her that she is beautiful and desirable. Find something positive to say about her body parts or her personality which you love and remind her how great she is as often as you can.

 

Get her to feel comfortable with her body and to recognize that despite any imperfections it is both able to receive and offer pleasure. A way to do this is to encourage her to caress the clitoris and vulva frequently to increase her sensual sensitivity and pleasure. The more pleasure she allows her body to offer her, the more she will like her body.

 

Engaging in 20 minutes of sustained physical activity such as walking, jogging, swimming, bicycling, etc can help to promote blood flow circulation (which can improve sex drive) as well as giving her a healthier body shape (which can improve her self-image). It will be better if you can do these activities together with her which can improve your sex life as well as hers.

 

(3)   Stress

 

If a woman is stressful it is less likely for her to be able to become aroused and experience orgasm. The simplest and quickest way to cope with stress is through deep breathing exercise. Encourage her to do this before having sex or masturbation or when she is taking a shower. A relaxing massage can also help her to cope with stress. If one of her major sources of stress is overwhelming household responsibilities, be a supportive partner by volunteering to shoulder some of the tasks.

 

Stress can also occur when you are concentrating on having an orgasm. By concentrating on it, you are putting too much pressure on her to make it happen. How to overcome this? The way to go is to stop making orgasm a goal. Just have sex to enjoy the fun and experience. Do let her know it is okay not to have an orgasm. If an orgasm happens, it happens. If it does not, it is no big deal, maybe next time.

 

A good way to take the pressure off her is to encourage her to indulge in sexual fantasy. Get her to read a book or magazine or any romantic novel that can be sexually arousing to her. Looking at nude or sexually explicit pictures on the Internet can get her in the mood, as can watching an erotic video. Once you can take the pressure off her and yourself, the chances of having an orgasm will be higher.

 

(4)   Anxiety

 

Past sexual trauma and/or bad relationship experiences can cause a woman to completely tense up during sex. This can make it yet another bad experience for her to go through and can even make sex painful because of all the tension building up in her genitalia. The best thing you can do is to be supportive of her. This will not be easy but with good communication, it can be handled and eventually resolved. Along the way in helping her to cope, you should get her to seek professional help.

 

(5)   Physical/Medical Factor

 

Medication, birth control, certain illness, dehydration, etc, can affect a woman’s ability to self-lubricate. If she is too dry, sex can be uncomfortable and even painful. Standby with a personal lubricant such as silicone-based Comfort Silicone or water-based Sliquid Organics Natural and use it whenever you have the desire.

 

If certain medication is affecting her sexual desire, it will be a good idea to bring this up to her doctor to see what he/she can do to help your woman. You can also doing some reading about how to treat painful sex.

 

Defining the problem is the first step towards discovering why you do not have sex as often as you want. For additional help to improve sex life, you can click on Hot Sex and Get Her In The Mood.

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