For Couples Who Are Busy – How To Have Sex




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You use to have lots of energy for fun sex, but those days are long gone and seem so far away. You always feel tired and are not sure how to get your sex life back. So, what can you do?


Below are some tips for you to try out.


(1)   Find out the real problem


Lack of sex because of tiredness happens to most couples and this lack of sexual desire can be due to other factors too. The problem with blaming, ’We are just too tired’ for passing on sex is it is usually a cover for other things that have gone wrong in the relationship such as lack of communication, build-up resentment, boring sex, the list goes on and on. In fact, there are many couples who have great sex lives and have more sex when they are tired because it is their way of relaxing and feeling good. Sex can flood the brain with endorphins and oxytocin, which are hormones associated with pleasure.


Instead of focusing on the issue of being exhausted, couples need to look at the bigger picture of how they are having sex. They can jointly come up with more realistic expectations on what is achievable for their present lifestyle and schedule. This can be started with a heart-to-heart talk outside the bedroom like, “We will be quite busy for the next 6 months. What can we do sexually and/or to stay connected even if we cannot have as much sex as we want?”


(2)   Set some time apart for sex date


If you are one of those so-called dual-income-no-sex (DINS) couples struggling with the daily grind of life, scheduling sex is the easiest way for a couple to keep their sex life on the radar. It may not seem romantic and probably make you feel like failures because you can no longer have spontaneous sex; however chances are if you do not schedule sex, it is not going to happen. The upside to scheduling is it takes away any negative feelings of who is going to initiate sex and wondering if tonight is the night to have sex. Research has proven that couples who schedule sex have more mutually satisfying sex.


Rather than going to a dinner or a movie, you can stay at home to have a sexually arousing evening. You can also create windows of opportunity for sexual connection at times other than at the end of a long day. You can also make love when your kids are sleeping or you can have sex in the morning or afternoon. You can also consider that wake-me-up-sex where you welcome your spouse waking you up while you are asleep which can be more arousing because our sex-related hormones are at the highest level of the day at between 8 am to noon. Therefore set your alarm early to enjoy some morning sex.


(3)   Just do it


If you can just get the ball rolling, momentum will usually take over. It takes a little bit of effort and time to transit out of the overworked and under-appreciated mommy mode into the hot, sexy, loving partner mode. But if you can get past this initial hesitation, your desire will follow. It only takes a little bit of caressing or kissing, maybe a touch here or there to get both of you started. Once you are in the mood, the thought of sleep will be gone. The more sex you have, the more testosterone, dopamine and oxytocin you release.


You can try this 10-minute rule. If you are not in the mood or feel too tired for sex, give yourself 10 minutes. According to research, half of the population feels amorous or horny and wants to initiate sex, while the other half is not interested in sex until after they start kissing and fooling around. Therefore give it a try when you feel tired next time. So, try kissing and fooling around for 10 minutes and see if you can get more aroused or interested.


(4)   Be a supportive partner


You have got to do something to help pick up some of your wife’s daily responsibilities. This will give her a little bit more energy left for her to feel horny and think of some sexy stuff to pleasure and please you. This should incentivize you to be a caring and supportive partner. While one spouse cleans up after dinner, let the more tired one takes a bath, relax or read a magazine or newspaper. If you can allow your partner the time for her to release stress, this will avoid sex from becoming like one more chores to her at the end of the day.


You can make things easier with better time management at home. Pick a time that both of you will be finished working so you do not just go straight to bed. Turn off the TV or computer at an agreed upon time. If you continue to let your career or housework to take precedence over your sex life, you are more likely or probably too exhausted for sex. If you can only have sex at the end of the night, you may end up choosing sleep over sex on a regular basis.


(5)   Self-seduction


Most women need to be stimulated mentally and/or physically before they actually feel turned on. As a woman, you can single-handedly transform your libido by trying self-seduction.


Throughout the day, you can conjure up past sexual experiences that really got you work up enough to get you into the sexy mindset. Feeling relaxed is also equally important. After you reach home, unwind with a glass of wine or do something else that will give you a mental break from the stressful things that may be affecting your sex drive.


It can be of great help to read a super sexy novel and you can add in self-stimulation if you want to. From this moment onwards, you make sex a top priority. Do not wait until the laundry is done to get down to business or until you collapse into bed, because by then your only desire will be to sleep.


Are you really too tired or honestly has sex becomes a little boring or too predictable? Maybe you would be less tired if sex was more fun, novel and engaging. Want to try something new and spice it up? Click on Hot Sex and Fix A Sexless Marriage

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Role Playing – How To Use Sexual Fantasy To Spice Up Your Sex Life

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Indulging in fantasies and sharing them with your partner contributes to hotter lovemaking and greater intimacy. Fantasy sexual role play can take you deeper into another character and release you from the restrictions you put on yourself in your daily life. It means more preparation and more risks or excitement. Most people start out a bit shy and nervous with the idea of dressing up as someone else and playing a role. This is due to the lack of preparation. So how do you bring fantasies to your lovemaking?


Here are some of the needed elements for any sexual role play scenario:


(a)    Choosing a fantasy role character

(b)  The scenario for acting out the sexual fantasy

(c)  Dressing up for the role

(d)  The motivation behind the fantasy role play character

(e)  Basic rules for the sexual role play


(1)   Choosing a fantasy role character


Picking a sexual fantasy role that suits you is the key to good sex fantasy role play. Think back to the old movies, comics and stories you loved as a kid. From Spiderman to Zorro, from Porky Pig to big bad wolf, the stories that stay with us from our childhood can create deep resonance in our sexual role play.


The fantasy role may not be related to any specific person such as the role of naughty student, the angel or a god. Most of us have fantasized about sex with rock stars, celebrities and everyday heroes. You can incorporate them into fantasy sex role play with your partner. Your sexual role play may not be a person at all. Maybe you want to be an alien or The Terminator. As much as you can, be experimental, outlandish and do not feel embarrassed or ashamed of the roles you want to explore.


Another way to generate some ideas to come up with a fantasy role character is to find out about some female sex fantasies. According to Isabella Snow, a sex education correspondent, the top female sex fantasies are domination (she is dominating you or you are dominating her), teacher/student, sex with a stranger, threesome with another woman, threesome with two men, voyeurism, rape, exhibitionism and private dancer.


(2)   The scenario for acting out the sexual fantasy


Add some more details can help you to get deeper into a sexual role play scenario. The details can be about the type of physical setting (indoor or outdoor, or a big, small, dark, brightly lit room), whether this happens at day or night, any people nearby or just you alone at a totally secluded space, why you are present at the scene and what is going to happen.


(3)   Dressing up for the role


Props and costumes for the role play can include clothing (from your underwear to your overcoat, school uniform, nurse uniform, a suit or tuxedo, torn or tattered clothes), wearable accessories (spectacles, leather gloves, ties or stockings, jewelry, purses, broaches, hats, belts, perfume or anything that smells like the particular role you are acting in), accessories for the role (briefcases for business people, rulers for teachers, handcuffs for policeman).


(4)   The motivation behind the fantasy role play character


Ask yourself these questions:


(a)    What are the things that motivate your role play character

(b)  What are the things that turn on/off your role play character

(c)  What is the personality of the role play character – dominant, submissive or mixed  personality

(d)  What is the history of the role play character

(e)  Does the role play character has any hidden fantasy and what can bring this particular fantasy to the surface


(5)   Basic rules for the sexual role play


Some of these rules should be common sense and common courtesy such as no laughing at your partner for something he/she or do and no judging each other in the moment.


Consider the following factors before you add further rules:


(a)    What are the things you want or do not want to do when you dress up as someone else

(b)  How do you want your partner to know when things do not work our or if you want to end it

(c)  What do you need to feel comfortable in the role play character and is it possible to get your partner to fulfill your need?


The bottom-line: Getting to be someone else for a few hours, acting out your wildest or most outrageous imaginations during the lovemaking process can be a sexually arousing experience for some couples, but you need to feel good about the whole process. If you like to explore more ideas to spice up your sex life, you can check this out at Hot Sex and Turn Her On.

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