How To Get What I Want Out Of Sex





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Communication is of utmost important in a relationship. This is especially so if you want to have a sex life that is satisfactory to you and your partner. For some reasons, talking about sex can be a very sensitive subject between couples. This is especially so if what you want to say is that you want to try something new. It is even more difficult or stressful to talk about sex when the conversation is about a sexual complaint or problem. Here are a few things you need to take note when it comes to talking about sex with your partner.


(1)   When to have a talk


Choose a time when both of you can talk openly without being disturbed by phones or other people. This will also depend a lot on what you are talking about. If you want to bring up the topic of trying something new in bed, then discussing this matter just before you are about to have sex is probably not a good timing.


Also, you should never talk about sex right after you have made love. Doing this may lead to defensiveness, disappointment and hurt feelings between you and your partner. It is therefore very important to distance this topic far away from the act of love itself.


(2)   Where to have a talk


As with timing, location can make a difference. Preferably you should pick a place that has no distractions. Bringing up any dissatisfaction when you are in bed can only spoil the mood. Both you and your partner may feel more vulnerable than if this conversation is to take place in a more relaxed setting such as talking over a cup of coffee in the living room.


(3)   How to have a talk


Even though you are not happy or you feel your partner is at fault, it is best not to accuse or blame your partner for the problem. Doing so, will slam the door shut from further communication. If something is on your mind, avoid blurting it out. Instead you sit on it for a while and clarify what doesn’t feel right. It will be better if you can organize your thoughts and put them down on paper.


A good tip that you can use to ease into talking about sex is by sharing porn or erotic short stories as a way to bring up new ideas or desires and using the images or words as a “bouncing-off points to get into specifics”.


To avoid being sound accusing, use “I” statements such as “I feel that ……” instead of “You make me feel…….” You should also avoid talking down to your spouse and assuming he/she knows what you are thinking. Communication is not just talking as listening is equally important. Avoid interrupting when your partner is talking. Listen carefully throughout the discussion can help to keep the conversation calm and less emotionally charged.


It is also very important to ask questions to get your partner’s views and suggestions. This is especially good if you have a partner who is unwilling to have this conversation. If you want to bring up certain products or toys that you feel will help your relationship, assure your partner first by telling him/her that you love and care for him/her and then you present the product or toy as something that will enhance his/her pleasure and give both of you more options when making love.


An important thing not to neglect is to pay attention to your body language as well as your partner’s. Do you and your partner’s posture and facial expressions give the impression of being defensive or feeling uncomfortable? Attention to body language will help you to gauge how the conversation is going, so that you can make adjustments along the way if things are not going smoothly.


These are the general tips on how you should talk about sex with your partner. Every situation is different and your situation may call for additional considerations. The main thing here is talking openly about your sexual feelings, desires, likes and dislikes, can improve your sex life as well as other aspects of the relationship.


For more tips on sexuality matters, read on further at Hot Sex and Talk About Sex.

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What Are The Secrets To Great Sex?




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It is easy to get overwhelmed by the busy routine of your life and leaving yourself very little time for passion. But if you care for your partner and for yourself, you need to put a stop to whatever that prevents you from doing the fun things you used to do in bed. Sex, being part of our life, is something which anyone can be good at and great sex can always be better. So, why not try to improve your sex life? Here are some ways to turn up the heat in your bedroom.


(1)   Have a healthy lifestyle


This means eating a balanced diet, getting plenty of rest and exercises regularly. A better sex life needs a healthy body, so taking care of your body is the first step. Regular exercise is one of the most important keys to healthy sexual function. It can boost your mood and sense of well-being so you feel sexier and more confident.


Exercise activates the sympathetic nervous system, which encourages blood flow to the genital region. A Boston University School of Medicine study had found that sedentary men could significantly lower their risk of erectile dysfunction by burning at least 200 calories a day which is equivalent to walking about 2 miles briskly. Research study suggests that women benefit from exercise too. Women are more sexually responsive following 20 minutes of vigorous exercise.


You can exercise together as a couple. Enjoyable activities such as going for a hike together or a tennis game can help couples bond. Even going to the gym together on a regular basis can make you feel closer as a couple. Better still, if you can go for yoga lessons together.


Control your alcohol intake for better sex. While a glass of wine, or even two, can help you relaxed and get you in the mood for love, too much alcohol in your bloodstream may hinder your sexual performance and response. Alcohol depresses the central nervous system, which slows down nerve impulses, hinders your coordination and makes it difficult to get or maintain an erection or to maintain sufficient vaginal lubrication for sexual activity.


(2)   Be open to each other


Be frank about what you enjoy about your current sex life and what you feel may be missing. This is the most effective method to enhance your sex life as a couple. A brief conversation conducted with humor and love will give both of you the opportunity to honestly propose new ideas. If you are too shy to talk about sex directly, you can give your partner hints as to what you desire the next time you make love. A perfectly-timed moan or touch may speak volumes, depending on the other person’s capacity to read between the lines.


In order to defuse the tension that can creep into couple conversations about less-than-satisfying sex, both of you can show each other what you like best. You can get 2 sheets of paper and each of you draws a black-and-white outline of a human body’s front and back. Next, you and your partner will circle the areas of the body where you like your partner to lavish attention. Also you can assign each zone a number, will tell your partner what part of your body you want stimulated first, second, third and so on.


(3)   Get yourself relaxed


A pampering massage not only relieves stress but the skin-on-skin contact stimulates the sex hormone oxytocin. The more oxytocin is being released, the more desire a woman will feel.


Another way to help you relaxed is to try lavender-scented oils, sachets and lotions. They can help you and your partner to unwind and get in the mood. Studies have revealed that the smell of lavender may increase the feelings of relaxation and reduce mental stress in some people. But do take note that certain scents inspire different reactions in different people. Therefore you should experiment until you find the one that suits you.


Some research studies have shown that the scents from cucumber, licorice and baby powder can turn women on, increasing the vaginal blood flow by 13%. Pumpkin pie and lavender increase blood flow by 11%. During a romantic dinner, you can have the pumpkin pie as the last dish. Next to your pillow, you keep a cucumber-scented sachet. These scents should move her from the kitchen to the bedroom.


(4)   Read something erotic


Erotic literature can quickly jump-start the mood. Besides this you can read about some self-help guides to get some new ideas on how to improve your sex life. Clearly, the more you know about sex, the better you can put it into practice. If reading does not turn you on, do not worry. There is a plethora of adult movies from educational tapes to pure erotica which are available online and shipped in discreet packaging.


These are just a few of the many ways you can do to bring passion back into the bedroom. To get access to the rest of the tips, you can read on more from Hot Sex and Eternal Flame






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Overcoming Barriers To Communication In A Marriage

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For a lot of people getting them to talk about sex can be as difficult as asking a woman to reveal her true age. A mother in response to a question from her kid about he/she comes to this world either keeps quiet or on further pestering from her child will tell him/her that he/she came out from her arm pit. Such behavior towards sex can only breed ignorance and lead to certain negative sexual outcomes such as unwanted teenage pregnancies. Keeping silent about sex also allows us to perpetuate certain commonly known but untrue sex ideas. If you are looking for ways to improve your sexual communication skills, keep a look out for these common obstacles to good sexual communication.

(1)   Wrongly held sex beliefs


Such beliefs are a great barrier to effective sexual communication. Some of us are being misled into believing that great lovers are experts in reading minds not in communicating. Failure to have an open communication with your spouse can only perpetuate misunderstandings of each other’s sexual needs.


(2)   Fears about sex


Fears of sexual rejection, fears of being embarrassed if you are frank about your sexual desires are also obstacles to good sexual communication. This can make it difficult for all of us to talk about sex honestly with the people around us.


(3)   Viewing sex negatively


Some people are brought up with certain beliefs like sex is dirty, sex is something immoral and when you talk about sex with them, and they find it very offensive. These beliefs act as a strong deterrent to talking about sex.


(4)   Difficulty in expressing


There are some people who find it hard to talk about sex because they do not know the words to express what they want to say. Having a basic sexual vocabulary can make it easier to talk about sex.


(5)   Lacking space and time


Busy with kids, busy with jobs, living in cramp conditions can make talking about sex difficult. In reality, most people can adapt and learn to make the best out of their situations and constraints. If you can plan for a space and time such as when kids are asleep, it will make your sexual communication go a little bit smoother.


(6)   Refusing to talk about sex


This can only breed hard feelings and damage relationship if your partner behaves in this manner. It can be of help if you can visit a relationship counselor or family therapist to seek his/her advice and to explore some solutions and options. Even if your partner is unwilling to go with you for these counseling sessions, you can still benefit in certain ways.


(7)   Insufficient information about sex


Lacking basic information on sexual matters presents another barrier to good sexual communication. When you do not have any idea about sex, it can be difficult in how to start a conversation on it. Lacking basic sexual information also makes talking about sex all the more scary that can foster feelings of fear and letting certain negative beliefs stay in our minds.


If you do not want the lack of information from affecting your love life and if you are keen to get more ideas to spice up your sex life, you can read on more from Hot Sex and Eternal Flame.

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